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This ban extends to activewear, soccer jerseys and Disney princess dresses. This is not a day to pick sides, even if you’re Team Elsa forever. Whimsical brooches, earrings and patterned socks are permitted.
3. Wear deodorant
Body odour is an unwelcome aroma that fails to complement sliced turkey and roast lamb and can even overpower refrigerated salmon. If you’re catching a breeze in a festive sleeveless top, pay attention to your armpits.
Please note that a Bonds singlet does not count as a festive sleeveless top. Even if you’ve come straight from the beach, make the effort to upgrade your attire.
4. Save your silk
A simple silk dress might seem like an airy solution to the heat but if there’s too much fabric, you might be left with persistent sweat stains rather than happy memories. A silk and linen blend is a safer alternative. Organic cotton or linen is even better.
5. Man up
At many Christmas lunches women look as though they’ve been planning their outfit since the Boxing Day sales, while men look like they made their decision after sniffing the laundry basket for something clean.
It’s time for men to step up in tailored shorts or light linen pants, paired with knitted polos or loose T-shirts in festive colours. If you’re wearing a collared shirt, trade business pinstripes for wide holiday stripes.
If in doubt, go up a size with shirts and T-shirts (not everything has to be tight enough to reveal nipple piercings) and keep the top button of pants and shorts done up until the second serve of pudding. And always attempt re-buttoning before leaving the table.
6. Greensleeves, not great sleeves
Blouses with bell sleeves are perfect for dramatic sweeping gestures while recounting eggnog-fuelled anecdotes but less successful while passing the cranberry, tartare or tomato sauce.
7. Follow context clues
When dressing for a lunch, step up your standards by one level depending on the location. If you’re eating at home, go up a level from your usual attire of jeans and T-shirts and try trousers, shirts and even shoes.
If you’re eating at someone else’s home, wear what you would normally wear to a restaurant as a sign of respect. (On this occasion McDonald’s does not qualify as a restaurant.)
If you’re eating at a restaurant, consider cocktail party attire. You are welcome to jump levels and wear cocktail attire at home.
Let dressing up be a gift to yourself.
Feel free to skip levels and dress for cocktails at home. Event organisers Chyka and Bruce Keebaugh from The Big Group at home in Melbourne.Credit: Wayne Taylor
8. Put sexy back in the box
Christmas is not the day for putting Tom Jones or CupcakKe’s greatest hits on Spotify. Save cleavage showcases, cut-outs and mesh singlets for New Year’s Eve at the club.
If you want to show some skin, be sophisticated in singlet-style drop-waist dresses, or boxy short-sleeve shirts.
9. Shine on
Frankincense and myrrh are far too strong, but the three wise men got it right with gold on Christmas Day. Let statement necklaces and earrings outshine the star on your Christmas tree.
When it comes to rings, listen to The 12 Days of Christmas and stop at five.
10. Commit to the outfit
Keep your original outfit on until well after dessert. Even if you are gifted a gimmicky ugly sweater or a beautiful hand-knitted vest, under no circumstances try them on in front of everyone. Think of that one time you caught sight of yourself out of the corner of your eye while getting changed under the harsh lights of a David Jones dressing room. No one else needs to see that. The spirit of giving shouldn’t go that far.
11. Ground yourself
High heels might seem like a good idea for photographs, but by the time you’ve performed two weighted squats placing food in the oven, chased stray wrapping paper from room to room and performed impromptu karaoke to Mariah Carey, your feet will be cooked faster than the turducken.
Embrace the ease of holidays in metallic flats, simple slippers and luxe loafers. Sneakers are fine but their cleanliness should make it clear that the only workout you intend to do is a reprise of All I Want For Christmas.
12. Consider crop tops carefully
Baby crop top T-shirts are on-trend, but you are welcome to skip a day and stretch things out for Christmas. Remember that stomachs, tremendously toned or curvaceous, will not appear the same by the time custard is poured.
Just one more thing ...
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Try to have fun, even if the kitchen resembles a crime scene and the meal is still in the oven at 4pm. That means putting on the paper hat from your Christmas cracker. Just stop to pick a colour that matches your outfit.
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