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For more than a decade, Married At First Sight has had reality television fans hooked. The Australian version of the show, which sees strangers tie the knot after being matched by a trio of experts, has continuously broken ratings records, and has even been praised by global celebrities like Saoirse Ronan and Nicola Coughlan.
As we approach its 13th season, two of the show’s resident relationship experts – John Aiken, who has been with MAFS since the beginning, and Alessandra Rampolla, who joined in 2021 – reveal what fresh drama is in store, as well as the highs and lows of being involved in one of the most popular and controversial reality shows in history.
What’s new this season? What kinds of people will we see?
John Aiken: What’s new is the group dynamic. We have a group of women that band together who call themselves the “boss babes”. They’re incredibly overpowering and dominant, and try to control the experiment, the experts, their partners and any man or woman who tries to stand up to them … In the past, we’ve had one or two individuals that might lock horns, but nothing en masse like this.
This season will also introduce “revelations week”. What is that?
JA: That’s going to be where we break the men and women up and we get them to talk about some of their past relationship patterns, but also their current partners, the red flags, the green flags ... They’ll receive feedback from the rest of the group and workshop things. Some can cope with that but others find it very difficult.
Which couple do you predict we’ll be talking about the most?
JA: Not specifically a couple, but we do have our first bisexual woman to ever be on the show, and I think her storyline is very compelling. She says: “I want you to surprise me. I don’t care if it’s a man or woman that you match me with. I want to go on this journey and be surprised.”
Since premiering in 2015, the show has become a massive cultural phenomenon – not just in Australia but also abroad. Why do you think it resonates with global audiences in such a huge way?
Alessandra Rampolla: I think it’s the humanity of the experience of falling in love. Everybody craves love. We all want to love, be loved and be accepted for who we are. We all have big emotions, and we don’t necessarily always have courageous or good reactions to situations. Our participants are so great that they allow us to go on this journey with them.
When you’re looking from the outside, you can see that behind the conflict there’s pain, there are sometimes wounds, there’s the insecurity that’s fuelling that reaction, there’s anger, a fear. These are human emotions, and we can all relate to it.
It has also become a tabloid phenomenon, with outlets reporting on the events of the season well before it lands on TV. How do you feel about that? How does the show navigate spoilers during production?
JA: At the end of the day, I look at the audience and the fact that our ratings keep going up, and think it probably doesn’t hurt us. Would I like it to stop and that they keep the storylines to themselves? I would love that. But in the same breath, I realise that’s probably not going to happen now, and that it doesn’t hurt the audience.
There has obviously been a huge amount of drama over the past 11 years. Do you regret any of the matches you’ve made?
AR: Well, yes, a lot of our matches unfortunately combust and don’t work out. Not all the matched partners are specifically the people that I, Alessandra, would personally put together. It’s not just my decision, it’s a group decision. There are always going to be couples that I’m not 100 per cent convinced of. But then some couples that I feel very confident about sometimes implode quickly too. Ultimately, it’s not about how many couples make it to the end.
“We take duty of care very seriously on the show.”
MAFS expert and matchmaker John AikenIt’s about the journeys, the commitment, the intent, the celebration of when the magic does occur and people do fall in love … And then the journey of growth [experienced by] the rest of the participants who don’t find love but ultimately understand themselves better … Those are all wins in my book.
Last season received considerable backlash after it was revealed one contestant, Paul Antoine, allegedly punched a hole in the wall of the apartment he shared with his MAFS “wife”. NSW Police launched an investigation into the incident, which has since been closed and no further police action is expected. How did you feel about the way that situation was handled in production?
JA: We take duty of care very seriously on the show … Ultimately, we felt like we were able to shine a spotlight on that type of inappropriate, unacceptable behaviour, and also provide [Paul] and [his matched partner, Carina] with the appropriate services around them so that they could get support and help.
The show is very unpredictable, it’s unscripted, so we never know what we’re going to see or have to deal with. But we do have a lot of people behind the scenes that are there for the participants, including psychologists around the clock – before, during and after [production] … We try to protect them on social media when the show goes to air. We do as much as we can to try and give them the safety and support they need.
Many fans questioned why Antoine remained on the show, and argued that an expert who specialises in coercive control or intimate partner violence should have joined the commitment ceremony where the behaviour was discussed. What do you make of that suggestion?
AR: That’s something all three of us have been trained in. As a marriage and family therapist and a clinical sexologist, I certainly had training in those areas, and I know John and Mel [Schilling] did too. I don’t know that we necessarily need a specialist on the couch because it’s not a common occurrence. That was very much an isolated situation where it got out of hand for Paul, and he handled it very horrifically, and we made sure he knew that was not acceptable. There was also specific assistance [available] from somebody who’s more of a specialist outside what we film.
That’s the thing: we’re filming a show, but the psychological help that the participants are getting is direct to them, it’s outside what’s being filmed.
JA: In that particular incident, there are two ways you can go. You can certainly ask someone to leave the show. But then the other equally acceptable response is to say, “we’re going to keep you on the show, provide you with support, and highlight and deal with the behaviour”. To have someone else on there is probably unlikely because of the way TV is made. But it’s an interesting idea.
Did you feel any pressure going into that commitment ceremony with Antoine, knowing what was going to be spoken about and that it was probably going to encourage conversation among fans?
JA: I felt great. I wanted to highlight the inappropriateness of that behaviour. I wanted to be the person to call it out, to make it very clear to the audience and to the group that this is unacceptable. It’s not something to be downplayed and minimised.
It’s a privilege to be fronting a show where you’re not just talking about domestic violence or gaslighting or cheating, you’re really talking about all sorts of different behaviours that relate to not only intimate relationships but also friendships. I love being at the front of it and a voice that can really educate.
What would you say you’ve learned about relationships and love during your time on the show? Has it given you more, or perhaps less, hope about human connection?
AR: I’m always hopeful about human connection. I’m never going to lose hope with that … One thing it has shown me is how little self-awareness we often have of our own behaviour in relationships.
A lot of our participants come in thinking and self-describing a certain way, and then you watch them behave in these situations and realise she thinks she’s a “girl’s girl”, but that’s not “girl’s girl” behaviour. Or they’ll say they really want love, but then they’re very closed off and self-sabotaging.
We all have those blind spots about ourselves. And it takes really looking at yourself and really growing in terms of managing emotions and being able to express them correctly in ways that are kind and not hurtful.
This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
MAFS Australia returns 7.30pm February 2 on Nine. Nine is also the owner of this masthead.
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