Why you shouldn’t dismiss the power of a ‘work spouse’

3 days ago 7

Opinion

September 11, 2025 — 5.59pm

There’s always one in every workplace: the person you gravitate towards and forge a close bond with. It might be a loose friendship that evolves until one day you realise that the intimate, platonic relationship you have is an important aspect of why you come to work every day.

Depending on their gender, the colloquial term for this is a “work wife” or “work husband”, a clumsy attempt to summarise a supportive relationship that crudely resembles a marriage. The reason for the spousal tag is that it often includes emotional support, honesty and loyalty.

A “work wife” or “work husband” can be someone who makes the daily monotony of your nine-to-five that much more bearable.

But before we get any further, we do need to address the gendered elephant in the room. When used the wrong way, terms like “work wife” can reinforce inherent sexism where the marriage metaphor can imply traditional gender roles and expectations. But in most cases, it’s used with the lighter interpretation that’s intended, where a spouse is an equal member of a partnership.

There are pros and cons of having these types of extremely close relationships in the office. On the positive, having someone by your side to help you navigate the emotional roller coaster of work can be very handy.

Most people don’t understand exactly what it’s like in the office trenches every day, but with one knowing look across cubicles, your work spouse sure does.

On the flipside, it’s only too easy for boundaries to blur, and it’s a fertile ground for conflicts to fester and grow. When you’re that close to someone you work with, misunderstanding and emotions can easily arise.

Finding someone you connect with on a deeper level and intentionally improving it can genuinely improve the way you think about work.

While the concept of a “work spouse” might seem flippant, there’s real research that shows the power of forging closer relationships at work. One fascinating study by two Australian researchers showed it’s actually one of the best shortcuts to creating better teams.

In 2019, Julien Pollack and Petr Matous from the University of Sydney conducted an experiment using “targeted self-disclosure exercises”. They artificially cultivated this by pairing up people and had them answer a list of increasingly personal questions together.

It was based off an infamous set of 36 questions created by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues that went viral a decade ago after it was claimed it could make any two people “fall in love”.

The questions start relatively innocuously, such as “What would constitute a ‘perfect day’ for you?” before going deeper with “When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?” They are precisely the type of topics you might discuss with a very close colleague.

Three months after forging closer connections using this exercise, the researchers checked in, and the results were astonishing. They found significantly changed patterns of communication, where the pairs were now more comfortable talking to each about personal and work-related issues, and the integration of the entire team had been fast-forwarded.

The research indicated that even just one intervention to artificially create deeper personal connections had a greater effect than you’re likely to find at traditional team-building events such as trivia nights at the pub, or throwing axes at the wall.

Most “work wife” or “work husband” relationships form naturally, and often continue long past your employment contract. And just like a marriage, the key to making them work lies in clear boundaries, ongoing communication and mutual respect.

Spending eight hours every day at work can be a lot, so finding someone you connect with on a deeper level and intentionally building on it can genuinely improve the way you think about work.

Tim Duggan is author of Work Backwards: The Revolutionary Method to Work Smarter and Live Better. He writes a regular newsletter at timduggan.substack.com

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