Robyn thought fatigue was a normal part of motherhood. But that was just the start

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By Sassica Francis-Bruce

December 1, 2025 — 5.00am

Parenting is often described as the hardest job in the world. But for the more than 6.5 million mums in Australia, the challenge of parenting is, will be, or has been heightened by perimenopause.

With more women giving birth later in life and a study in the US suggesting 40 per cent of 36- to 40-year-olds were perimenopausal, parenting young children while experiencing perimenopause is becoming increasingly prevalent.

For single mother of one Aislinn Butler, undergoing this hormonal transition while parenting her daughter has not been easy. “Perimenopause with a young child is definitely adding an extra layer of challenge for me,” she says.

Butler’s symptoms started with brain fog, mood changes, sweating and joint pain at 32, well before the “typical” commencement of perimenopause in a woman’s 40s. Now, at 38, sleeplessness and night sweats are the hardest symptoms for her to manage. “Trying to get up and be cool, calm and collected for your four-year-old can be a little bit challenging if you’re sleep-deprived,” she says.

Robyn Ivett and her children Charlotte and Kai O’Brien. Parenting through perimenopause has had its challenges.

Fatigue was also a major symptom for 44-year-old mother of two Robyn Ivett. “I was waking up tired most mornings, even though I’d had enough hours of sleep,” she says.

Ivett also started noticing she was less resilient to the overstimulation of her four-year-old and six-year-old, and had little energy to keep up with their demands. Not only was she finding it difficult to manage her emotions, she was increasingly impatient, short-tempered, forgetful and had difficulty concentrating and learning.

Perimenopause was impacting her capacity to parent to the best of her ability. “You have in your head the type of parent you want to be and then [in perimenopause] you can see yourself sort of not reaching those goals and struggling,” she says.

Ivett believes her symptoms started one to two years ago, although she admits it is tricky to pinpoint exactly when perimenopause began. There is no formal diagnosis or test for perimenopause, and symptoms can start up to 10 years before menopause, and the type and severity of those symptoms varies greatly between women.

“The hardest bit when you’re parenting is that [symptoms of perimenopause] are almost disguised or brushed under the rug as part of having children,” Ivett says. “A lot of us can be struggling for a long time before we even think, ‘maybe this isn’t just parenting’.”

“Perimenopause adds a layer of complexity to parenting that is often underestimated,” says Dr Sarah Farrell, director of Sydney Women’s Wellness. “You need a wide emotional bandwidth at a time when hormonal changes can narrow it significantly. During perimenopause, oestrogen and progesterone fluctuate in unpredictable ways, affecting your mood and stress tolerance, energy and ability to emotionally regulate, making ordinary parenting tasks feel far more demanding.”

At a time when women need to be the most patient, calm, steady, loving and emotionally regulated version of themselves, perimenopause is depriving mothers of the hormones that help them achieve this. Additionally, Farrell says that setting and enforcing children’s boundaries, a crucial aspect of parenting, can be more difficult due to emotional resilience and reserves running low.

So how can women help themselves when undergoing this hormonal upheaval concurrently with the emotional and physical demands of parenting?

Farrell says the first line of defence should always be lifestyle: stress reduction strategies like mindfulness, breathwork and structured self-care; regular exercise including strength training; and a protein- and fibre-rich diet with limited processed foods, caffeine and alcohol.

Menopausal Hormone Therapy (MHT) can also be an option.“With years of misinformation about MHT, the tide is turning back to empowering women with evidence and choice about their health,” says Farrell.

MHT, along with lifestyle changes, made a really big difference not only in Ivett’s life, but also with her parenting. With the support of her husband, she goes to bed early to prioritise sleep and gets up at 4:20am to ensure she exercises.

“Seeking help and implementing those changes has definitely lightened the load in a really big way for me,” she says.

Aislinn Butler started experiencing perimenopausal symptoms such as mood changes, sweating and joint pain in her 30s. She uses Pilates and breaks from parenting daughter Aria to reset her system.

For Butler, she has the “blessing” of fortnightly child-free weekends, which she purposefully spends calming her nervous system with Pilates, walks, cold plunges, massage and sauna. Along with self-care, Butler applies practical solutions. To combat brain fog she depends heavily on her diary and reminder notifications, she goes to bed at the same time as her daughter in anticipation of sleep issues, and uses meditation techniques to help with her “shorter fuse”.

Unlike Ivett, Butler has, frustratingly, not yet found relief from her symptoms. As a single mother and business owner, it has been hard for her to find the time and energy to continue trying.

“I really should go back to the doctor and tell them this [medication or treatment] didn’t work, but you just let it go because life is so busy,” she says. “You just don’t have time for yourself sometimes.”

While not having time for yourself is an issue for any parent, the need to find those moments is crucial when experiencing perimenopause as a mother.

Both Butler and Ivett stress the necessity of talking about and supporting women parenting in perimenopause. Farrell echoes this sentiment. “Partners, children, workplaces and women themselves need to recognise this challenge, because without support, it can lead to loneliness or overwhelm.”

Despite the challenge of all this, Farrell is hopeful.

“I see many women using this stage of life as a prompt to finally check in with themselves,” she says. “Perimenopause can be a turning point where women begin caring for themselves with the same commitment they give to everyone else.”

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