My Spotify listening age is 73 years old? I demand a recount

3 months ago 4

Opinion

December 4, 2025 — 11.52am

I never thought Spotify’s Wrapped list would be the thing that led me to an existential crisis, but here we are.

The streaming giant’s annual round-up of users’ listening habits often produces intriguing wrinkles for social media to pore over: our top songs, albums, and genres of the year. But this year’s Wrapped, released on Thursday, has offered something new that’s confused everyone: your Spotify listening age.

Spotify Wrapped’s listening age is such a lie.

According to the streamer, your listening age is based on the idea of a “reminiscence bump”, which they define as “the tendency to feel most connected to the music from your younger years”.

“First, we look at the release dates of all the songs you played this year. Next, we identify the five-year span of music that you engaged with more than other listeners your age. We’re hypothesising that this five-year span matches your ‘reminiscence bump’, assuming you were between 16 and 21 years old when those tracks were released,” Spotify said in a statement.

According to Spotify, my listening age is 73 years old. That this is 30 years beyond my actual age, and more than 50 years beyond what I consider my spiritual age, is concerning.

“You were into music from the late ’60s. You’re an old soul,” Spotify tells me. Thanks, Spotify. You’ve already got listeners and artists dropping you left and right; why do you think it’s a good idea to insult me like this?

As someone who prides themselves on being so informed on new and emerging artists and pop’s prevailing tastes that I’ve given myself the nickname “The Zeitgeist”, this has ruined my day. My musical tastes are 73 years old? How is this possible? Am I out of touch? Should I just retire? I own Addison Rae merch! Does that not count for anything?

Confounding the issue is the fact that – based on my top artists, singles and albums of the year – my alleged listening age of 73 makes no sense. I swear! Let’s look at the evidence.

My top five singles this year: Selena Gomez’s Bluest Flame, Lady Gaga’s How Bad Do U Want Me, Audrey Hobert’s Sue Me, Rosé’s Toxic Till the End, Morgan Wallen’s One Thing At a Time. Not a thing released before 2023!

My top five albums of the year: Bad Bunny’s Debi Tirar Mas Fotos, Lady Gaga’s Mayhem, Playboi Carti’s Music, Rusowsky’s Daisy, Rosalia’s Lux. What 73-year-old is out here headbanging to Playboi Carti’s Like Weezy? Does this sound like the listening habits of an old man to you? I demand a recount.

Thankfully, I’m not the only person confounded by their Spotify age. A colleague who mainly listens to archived BBC radio dramas somehow had a Spotify age of 26. Another who only listens to Anthem from Chess: The Musical on repeat, had a Spotify age of 25. Of course, they’re ecstatic about this. It’s like when a stranger asks if your mum is your sister. “It’s so accurate!” they say.

But online, the outrage is palpable. “How is my listening age 79 when my top artists are Taylor Swift, Sabrina Carpenter and Gracie Abrams?” one commenter on X noted. “If your Spotify Wrapped listening age is anything less than 40, you have ZERO taste in music,” another wrote defensively.

Even Spotify got in on the drama. “Are you unc? Show us your listening age,” they wrote on X, pouring gasoline on the fire. I’m unc? No, you’re unc, Spotify. You know who’s not unc? Apple Music. Maybe Tidal, even. You really wanna do this, Spotify?

According to their metrics, Spotify thinks I was born in 1952 and did most of my formative listening between 1968 to 1973. This is what tech people call a “logic error”.

Sure, I might go through a Nico phase every couple of months; I might listen to Redbone’s Come and Get Your Love every time I’m cooking pasta; I might put on Nick Drake every time it rains. But, as the evidence clearly shows, I’m mainly listening to new things. My Spotify age should be 16, easily.

As usual, Spotify is a big ol’ dummy. And this is why the robots will never win.

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