I married my ex at 25, but we shouldn’t have made a vow. We’re still friends

3 months ago 8

Musician Nikki Lane is best known for her four country albums, and for collaborating with close friends such as Lana Del Rey. Here, the 41-year-old discusses the important men in her life, including her traumatic upbringing with her grandfather and alcoholic father. Now, she has found love, with her English husband Wade, whom she married recently.

“Dad had some redeeming qualities, but the more he gave in to the darker side of addiction, the more he lost touch with being a gentle guy.”

My maternal granddad, Cecil, worked as a film developer at Kodak in South Carolina and taught me how to develop film. He influenced my love of mountain and dulcimer music, and taught me about kindness.

I was raised by a single mother; Granddad was the one who got me into choir singing, so I would stay out of trouble. He was my hero. He died 10 years ago.

My paternal granddad, Rex Maynard Frady, was tough. We weren’t supposed to cry around him. He wanted me to be an engineer, and punished me when I dropped out of high school by gifting his girlfriend a new convertible [Volkswagen] Beetle and giving me her used “grandma” car. I put a trailer on it and drove it to California. I attribute my success to him because I wanted to become successful in spite of him. He passed away four years ago.

My mum, Debbie, met my father, David Keith Frady, when they were in their early 20s. Dad spent a lot of time as a semi-pro motocross rider and they moved to California for a while.

My early childhood was traumatic. My parents divorced when I was young. Dad was an alcoholic and addict, and it led to the demise of their relationship. Dad had some redeeming qualities, but the more he gave in to the darker side of addiction, the more he lost touch with being a gentle guy. I was conditioned to expect the worst because of him.

My dad died in June last year. He worked in asphalting and took over the family business from his father. I wrote my new song, Woodruff City Limit, about letting go of my dad. I met people at his funeral who loved him because they got him in small doses. He was a hoot.

My sister is married to a great guy called Nick; they have a son together. My nephew is the one person in our family who won’t ever experience the trauma we went through as kids. We’re all making sure of that.

My first boyfriend, Patrick, rode a skateboard, was in a punk band and drove a cool car. I wanted him to teach me Blink-182 songs on the guitar.

My celebrity crush was Steve McQueen: he could ride a motorcycle, liked nice cars and could go to eat at nice restaurants. You want to be able to find the man who can do it all!

I once dated a nice guy called Chase; it was a healthy relationship during which I learnt I could write sweet songs that were not all about heartbreak. In 2017 I wrote a song called Send the Sun, which captures a softness in me that few men had been able to conjure through my songwriting.

I married my ex-husband, musician Joseph Plunket, when I was 25. We met in Brooklyn while both pursuing a career in the Americana music scene. We were young and in love. In hindsight, we shouldn’t have made a vow unless we were prepared to keep it. We’re still friends.

My friend, Lana Del Rey, and I have written songs together; Breaking Up Slowly is one of them. We were talking shit for three minutes in 2021 and this happened. We wear our hearts on our sleeves and talk about heartbreak.

I met my husband, Wade, in 2023 through mutual friends. He is English and has been living in the US for 15 years. I took him two-stepping, and we have talked every day since. He was looking for someone who could match his energy and long-term goals.

Wade proposed to me while on a road trip to Aspen, Colorado. He went via Las Vegas and we passed a wedding chapel sign. I felt a pang of excitement. He had a ring on him and we got engaged, then on August 31 we got married. I am lucky to have found a loving and kind person.

Nikki Lane will headline the Out on the Weekend festival near Melbourne on October 11.

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