Who suffers FOMO any more? I’m more likely to have ROMO

1 day ago 3

Opinion

December 25, 2025 — 3.00pm

I used to have FOMO but these days you’re more likely to find me in a calm state of ROMO. For the uninitiated, that’s shorthand for Fear of Missing Out and Relief of Missing Out.

I’m increasingly relieved when I miss out on things. Especially things that require queuing (particularly for coffee, baked items, poke bowls and such), long waits to buy tickets online, expensive meals and cocktails, crowded places and hours on my feet in dark venues late at night when I’d prefer to be in my jammies sipping a tea, crochet in hand.

Oscar-winning actor Cillian Murphy has said he too has feelings of ROMO these days.

Take the recent Oasis concert. I could not think of anything I would have less liked to do. Traipsing over to Marvel Stadium, forking out at least $180 a ticket when I could listen to them in the comfort of my home at my desired volume. I don’t mind their music and I know some friends loved it. But you’re more likely to see me at a theatre production with specific start, break and finish times and comfy seats and reasonable views of the stage.

According to 2021 research, the term FOMO emerged in 2004 from observations on social networking sites. It made it into the Oxford Dictionary in 2013. I do still get FOMO. Not long ago, I missed out on tickets to Paul Kelly’s Melbourne tour so bought them for Sydney, and packaged the weekend trip up as my husband’s birthday present.

But I think it’s time to recognise that ROMO and JOMO – the Joy of Missing Out – are the more pervasive emotions.

The other Saturday when I was away for the weekend, a friend texted and asked if I wanted to go to Chadstone shopping centre. She’d pick me up. Big time ROMO. Phew. I used to be a regular at Chaddy before it became Australia’s biggest shopping centre, when you could park within metres of Myer and duck in on a Sunday morning. The most recent times have been stressful. Picking kids up and circling the car park, thinking I’m never getting this time back. That was roughly eight years ago.

When a birthday invitation arrived a while back, I lamented about what a busy weekend I had. You stay home for weeks on end and then fun things land on the same night. My youngest chastised me, reminding me it’s a privilege to be invited. It’s a bit bizarre to have your kids lecturing you on what you have been telling them for years.

With Christmas celebrations upon us, many of us will have been cycling through FOMO and ROMO. Irish actor Cillian Murphy was recently on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, where he noted that he had entered the phase where he was often experiencing ROMO over missing out on big roles, including in Christopher Nolan’s upcoming The Odyssey film.

“I guess it is the opposite of FOMO. It is a real gift to go and see Chris’ films and watch them without having the terrible burden of looking at my own stupid head,” he said.

There’s research that social media has fuelled FOMO, offering us running commentary about what others are doing and if we’re doing enough in our own lives. I’ve no doubt this is true, especially for younger people, desperate for acceptance. I’ve accidentally saved myself because I managed to lock myself out of my Facebook account, and I’m no longer served with daily updates about life-changing Camino de Santiago walks, new cars, beach houses, brilliant children and fabulous parties I wasn’t invited to.

As humans we need social connection. Just how much will differ for individuals. While I’m relieved not to be in a book group, reading books dictated by someone else, I’m happily ensconced in the small Richmond Hookers crochet group and hate when I miss out.

I’ve never ever had FOMO about camping trips. I’m scared I’ll lose a contact lens in the dark public toilets, hate the smoke in my eyes and the bedding kills my back. I can see ROMO if asked to be a bridesmaid, again. All that carry-on and cost. Let’s not start on destination weddings.

One of my siblings celebrated a milestone birthday in Bali. We had the hotel details and travel dates and were welcome to join. I cycled through ROMO. FOMO. JOMO. Then a few months before departure I booked, and we had the best time. Sometimes those things you are reluctant about are worth the effort. And then there’s a deep sense of relief when someone cancels on you for an outing you were so-so about going on in the first place.

Crowds often feel claustrophobia-inducing, but pack me in to the MCG to watch my AFL team play on the big day in September, and I am all in. When Richmond met Geelong in the preliminary final in 2019, I was nearly ill at the thought of missing out. It clashed with my low-maintenance middle child’s hockey grand final. How could I be in two places at once? Finally, I broke the news to him that I wasn’t going to his game. He had won a GF previously. His dad had to be at work, so I sent him off on the train.

Richmond won; his team lost. Sure, I had mother guilt, but would I change things? No.

Claire Heaney is a Melbourne writer.

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