‘We celebrate both girls’: How Lewis marks Father’s Day after losing his firstborn

Father’s Day may be wrapped in the trappings of cards, socks and breakfast in bed, but for those fortunate enough to be bestowed the role, it’s not the presents that count (even though they’re sweet). It’s the chance to appreciate and celebrate each child’s presence and the everyday moments.

Although some may dismiss the day as a marketing ploy, for many dads it’s imbued with significance. A man’s first Father’s Day, especially after a struggle with fertility, may represent more than just a chance to be spoilt by his family; it can be a milestone he might have once thought impossible. Similarly, the first Father’s Day after the previous loss of a baby is both a chance to celebrate and reflect on what was, or could have been.

Here, three fathers with very different paths to this Father’s Day share their stories. They are all individual, but share one thing: the unconditional love for their kids.

“After the grief of losing Poppy, this feels special”: Lewis Rankin, 30, teacher

Lewis Rankin with baby Rosie, who was born a year after his firstborn, Poppy, was lost to stillbirth.

“This year is going to be special. I’ll get to wake up on Father’s Day with 10-month-old Rosie in my arms, spend the day with her and my wife, Jordy, and just enjoy being together. I plan on the old ‘Stay in bed, get a cup of tea’, and then hang out. We’ll probably go to the pool, since she’s just started swimming. We’ll also go to the park; she’s discovered the swing and loves it.

The best part of my day right now is coming home from work and seeing her looking over the top of the couch, smiling and laughing. Seeing your child so happy to see you is pretty special. She’s a very social little butterfly, loves family daycare, laughs at everything, and is definitely saying, ‘Dad, Dad, Dad.’

I love just watching her figure things out, what she finds funny, the little milestones. They’re not big things, just tiny moments. I love that she looks at us and wants to be with us, and we just want to be with her. That instant love and connection is super special.

Last year was different. It was my first Father’s Day without Poppy, whom we lost to stillbirth. Losing Poppy doesn’t mean you’re not a dad; she’s still part of our lives and always will be, but it was more of a sombre day than a celebration. We don’t make a big song and dance about it publicly, but we talk about her.

Rosie and Poppy were both born in November, a year and six days apart. We planned Rosie’s birth so she didn’t arrive on Poppy’s birthday. We wanted to celebrate each of them separately.

Any grief, whether you lose someone at 80 or at birth, feels like the world has ended. Jordy being pregnant with Rosie was doubly stressful after losing Poppy, but having her here, happy and healthy, has helped mend our hearts. We still have moments of sadness, but she’s brought so much joy.

This year, Father’s Day will be about celebrating both my girls: enjoying the day with Rosie and keeping Poppy close in our own way. For now, we’re just soaking up this precious time with Rosie before thinking about adding to our family. I can’t wait for all the adventures ahead.”

“It was a long, hard journey”: Takaya Honda, 38, actor

Actor Takaya Honda’s son Ari was born after several rounds of IVF.

“It was a long journey for us to have Ari. He’s an IVF baby. My wife, Amy, and I had tried for about two years before we found out we’d need IVF to conceive him. We went through five rounds of collections, two fresh transfers and then one frozen, and he was the frozen transfer.

It was a long, hard journey, especially for Amy with all the hormones and the mental fatigue that comes with it. During that time, a lot collided all at once: my mum passed away and I finished acting in Neighbours. So he’s our little miracle baby. We were very, very happy to finally conceive and then have him born in January this year.

We had all these girl names ready to go. Then we found out we were having a boy, and coming up with a name we both liked was surprisingly hard. We wanted something unique, but not too unique, grounded but strong. We ended with Ari Zen, and I’ve joked from the start that he’s Zen by name and Zen by nature.

It was a long, hard journey, especially for Amy with all the hormones and the mental fatigue that comes with it.

I’ve always had a kinship with kids. My parents were gymnastics coaches, so I grew up around children. When I’m at a party, I don’t approach kids, but by the end of the day they’re all hanging out with me. Having my own child now just puts that into full-time practice. I can’t wait for him to start talking so we can explore all his wants and desires and help him to be the best human he can be.

He’s super well-tempered, only crying if he’s hungry or overtired. We’ve missed the whole witching hour thing. He’s always smiling, very alert and curious, happy to have a cuddle with anyone. He’s light for his age but has a head circumference in the 97th percentile, hopefully all brains [laughs]!

Father’s Day this year will be low-key. We get back from a friend’s wedding in France on the Friday, it’s my birthday on the Saturday, then Father’s Day on the Sunday, so there’ll be some jet lag. Probably a restful day, definitely some yummy food. Ari’s started solids and seems to love his food like we do.

I didn’t understand unconditional love until I had him. He’s exceeded my expectations. I never get bored of looking at him, playing with him, getting a smile or a giggle. Every challenge feels easy compared to what it took to get him here.”

“Becoming a dad again helps keeps me young”: Shane Nicholson, 49, musician

Shane Nicholson with his youngest child Jude, 3.

“I’ve got a son, Arlo, who’s 17, a daughter, Poet, who’s 13, and my stepson, Talon, who’s 22 [with my ex-wife, musician Kasey Chambers]. And then I’ve got Jude, who’s about to turn three.

I’d just gotten my [older kids] to the stage where they could make their own breakfast and I didn’t have to wake up in the morning with them; I thought I’d done my bit. But my partner, Emma, had never had children, and it was something she wanted to do. So I said, ‘Yeah, okay, we’ll have another one.’

I’ve started again, the whole merry-go-round, the only difference being that I’m quite a bit older. I don’t bounce back from the sleepless nights as well as I did years ago, but I’m loving it. They say kids keep you young; half of that’s true. The other half is that it makes you feel old now, because I get really tired. But it’s brilliant. I forgot how hard it was and how amazing it is at the same time.

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There’s so much more information about parenting now, even just things that pop up in your Instagram feed. I remember doing ‘controlled crying’ with my daughter and thinking this is the best way to do it. Now we’d never entertain the idea. That’s a benefit of time. I’m also more aware of taking stock, of being in the moment, and knowing this is definitely the last time. I want to make the most of it.

For years, my ex-wife and I lived in the same suburb, so the kids came back and forth all the time. We never had a custody arrangement, just an open dialogue. Even after Jude was born, Kasey would babysit him once a week. People would run into me and say, ‘I met your kid last week at Kasey’s house.’ We’ve presented the situation to the kids as normal, so it is.

The older kids love having a little brother. He’s never annoying to them. Jude has really brought all the different factions of the family closer together. He’s become a little bit of a glue. Even the grandparents in Queensland, NSW and Victoria are more connected because of him.

Father’s Day, like birthdays, is always subject to everyone’s calendar. We’ll have a Melbourne Father’s Day and a Sydney Father’s Day. That’s just how it works in our crazy world, but it works for us.”

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