2 days ago
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We’ve all been there.
We’ve ordered a cappuccino at Venice’s Piazza San Marco (and regretted it as soon as the bill arrived). We’ve travelled to Europe in the heat of peak summer. We’ve realised we don’t speak a word of the local language.
This is a thing that happens to every person who applies for a passport and sets off overseas: we make mistakes. Rookie errors. Glaring signs that we have no idea what we are doing.
Some people might like to think of themselves as a “traveller, not a tourist”, but the reality is that we all, at some time in our travelling lives, have done the classic, dumb things that tourists do. This is part of the learning experience. It’s part of the travel experience.
That’s why we wander around with all our valuables in a money belt or a wallet dangling around our necks, convinced it’s safer this way. This is why we stand around at train stations staring slack-jawed at station maps we have no hope of understanding.
The only thing you can do is recognise your mistakes as you become more experienced, and try to learn from them. If you’re doing any of the following 25 things, it might be time to make a few changes.
You don’t have insurance
This is not so much tourist behaviour as just plain dumb. You see the news stories pop up now and then about the person who’s overseas and had an accident, fell off a motorbike, got sick, got lost in the woods, and so on and so on, and then realised they didn’t have travel insurance. Or they weren’t covered by the policy they did buy. Don’t let this be you.
You’re haggling over a few cents
People think this is elite-level traveller behaviour, but it’s actually the opposite. It’s not cool to haggle with someone from a background far less privileged than yours over what will turn out to be a couple of dollars, or maybe even a few cents. Yes, you don’t want to get ripped off, so you shouldn’t pay outrageously over the odds. But those travellers who take pride in being able to get the “local price”, who gleefully argue over every last cent, are not the hardcore explorers they think they are. Visitors should pay more than locals. If you’re rich enough to get there, you’re rich enough to swing the person selling you something a few more bucks. To be stingy here is prime tourist behaviour.
You’re travelling in peak, peak season
This is a classic rookie error. The perfect time to visit Europe is summer, right? And you go to Japan in winter. And North America in the summer? But travel in peak season means you’re sharing your experience with the most people, and you’re paying the most for the privilege. Smart travellers know that shoulder seasons often mean weather that is just as good, if not more pleasant – as anyone who has been somewhere like Seville in summer could tell you – plus the prices are lower and the crowds have thinned out.
You’re paying full price
If you’re travelling in peak season, you’re paying full price. If you’re not searching the internet for deals, you’re paying full price. If you’re not managing frequent flyer points and hotel loyalty programs properly, there’s also a good chance you’re paying full price. This is usually avoidable, and smart tourists have been getting away with it forever.
You’re living life through a lens
I’ll put my hand up here. I do this. Many others do too. You catch yourself viewing the world through your phone screen, or your viewfinder. Every beautiful sight, every great meal, every moment where something even vaguely interesting happens becomes a photo opportunity. Click, click, click. It takes a while to realise that you didn’t even look at that painting with your naked eye. You didn’t stop to breathe in the aromas of that food. You didn’t gaze at that view. You snapped a photo and moved on.
You’re flying. Everywhere
Flying sounds glamorous. Flitting from one place to the next, ticking boxes, getting it done. But this is a terrible way to travel, and the classic sign of an inexperienced tourist. Airports are not fun, moving around all the time is not fun, this style of movement is bad for the environment and detrimental to your enjoyment. Cut down wherever possible.
You’re a box-ticker
Taj Mahal? Tick. The Trevi Fountain? Done. Machu Picchu? Check. Some people travel like this, always focused on the big attractions, taking pride in keeping a mental list of the famous things they’ve seen. But this style of travel encourages movement, it means flitting from place to place, barely taking anything in, always focused on a particular goal. It’s the way many people start out travelling, but it’s rarely the way they do things once they have a bit of experience.
You’re drinking too much
You know it already, without even thinking about it. The groups of boozy foreigners, obnoxious and loud, roving through towns and cities where the locals just don’t do that. This is classic dumb tourist behaviour, overt and insufferable.
You have no idea about local norms
There’s the classic trope of the loud American, but this is more a symptom than the disease. Americans don’t realise (or don’t care) that people in other countries tend to be quieter than they are. That’s a local norm. And there are plenty of tourists who don’t understand others: the expected standard of dress (no one else here is wearing shorts), the expected ways to dine, the style of greeting, the style of interaction with strangers. Failure to observe any of these will mark you as a tourist.
You think you’re being discriminated against
That little bar in Tokyo that won’t let you in. That restaurant in Rome that says it’s full even though there’s no one sitting at the tables. Tourists who don’t understand the way societies work tend to think they’re being discriminated against, that locals don’t like foreigners here. But the truth is often far more complex. Tiny bars in Tokyo often hold spots for their regulars, the people – unlike tourists – who keep them in business long-term. Roman restaurants only take one seating per night, and most guests won’t turn up until 9pm. It’s not because they hate you.
Your itinerary reads like an overtourism checklist
Rome, Venice, Florence. Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka. Dubrovnik, Santorini, Barcelona. Hanoi, Hoi An, Ho Chi Minh. All of these are standard itineraries for standard tourists, for people who are just going to the popular destinations, the massively over-touristed destinations, and not realising there’s so much to enjoy outside these narrow pathways. Smart tourism is still about going to these places – they’re popular for a reason – but also making time to stray from those paths.
You choose a restaurant next to an attraction
There are exceptions to this rule. In general, however, if you find yourself in front of a popular or well-known tourist attraction and think, we’ll just sit down at this restaurant right here for a meal, you’re in for a bad time. These restaurants and bars don’t depend on loyal customers to keep them in business, they depend on hapless tourists who can’t think of anywhere else to go. And so you sit down at the nearest tourist trap and pay far more than you should for food that is far worse than it should be, and walk away telling yourself that the food in this country is nowhere near as good as everyone reckons.
You can’t speak even a word of the local language
“DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?” This is the classic refrain from the helpless tourist, who has decided that if they aren’t being understood by locals, it’s because they aren’t speaking loudly enough. Couple of things to note here. First, everyone can hear you just fine. If people can speak English, they probably will. And second, it’s incumbent upon you, the visitor, to learn a few words of the language, not for everyone else to adjust.
You’re wearing boardies or a singlet or thongs
There’s a certain cringe factor any time you see someone – almost always an Australian – rocking board shorts or a singlet or even thongs when they’re getting around overseas. These aren’t inherently offensive items of clothing, and I would say almost all of us (men at least) own a few examples. But no one else does. So when these items that would be reserved purely for the beach in most countries are worn as everyday clothing, they seem so incongruous, and make it so obvious you’re not from around here.
You can’t lift your own suitcase
If you can’t lift your own suitcase, you’ve packed too much. There are exceptions of course, those with a disability and unable to heft a bag of clothing and travel accessories, and that’s understandable. Everyone should be free to travel. For some, however, it’s a choice to take too much, a choice to lean on everyone else around you to help carry it, and a choice to look like a hapless tourist.
You’re shopping at international chains
Surely, you didn’t come all this way just to shop at places you could call into at Westfield? And yet, you see this all the time, tourists who go overseas and insist on shopping at the same international chain stores they visit at home, to buy the same mass-produced stuff, to look the same as everyone else and ensure all profits from their visit to this country are funnelled offshore. What’s the point? The far better behaviour from a visitor is to make a point of shopping at local stores, at boutiques or with artisans that produce items you couldn’t find anywhere else.
You’re wearing branded travel wear
There are few things worse when you’re travelling than walking into a restaurant or an attraction you’ve been dying to experience and finding yourself sharing it with a bunch of people wearing quick-dry Kathmandu shirts and zip-off pants. There’s no need for this specialist gear when you’re travelling, unless you’re doing some genuine hiking or mountaineering. If you wear this stuff around towns and cities, it marks you out as a tourist. It makes locals despise you because you look so out of place, and makes other travellers dislike you because you’re making all of us look bad. Just wear the same clothes you would at home.
You’re only here for the night
When people begin travelling they tend to want to see everything, and to see it as quickly as possible. They do a tour or a cruise that whips them through the highlights in the minimum number of days. How long are you in town? Just the night. But the longer you travel, the more you begin to see the folly in those ways. Slow travel is good travel; the longer you spend in one place, the less a tourist you become.
You have a money belt
Honestly, nothing screams “tourist” like the telltale bulge around the mid-regions that shows someone is wearing a money belt. Even worse are the wallets that dangle around your neck and sit awkwardly on your chest. You’re not hiding anything with these. Instead, you’re sending a clear signal to every scammer and wannabe robber in eyesight that you have something to steal.
You’re not using your phone properly
If you’re only using your phone as a web browser and a camera when you’re travelling – or maybe you’re not even doing that – you’re going about things the wrong way. Pack away the old-school paper maps because Google or Apple Maps has you covered. Stop fumbling with translations because your phone does all that too. Your phone is also your bank card, your torch, your compass, your diary … apparently it can even make phone calls.
You’re not even sure where you are
It’s so cringeworthy when you hear tourists on package tours, on cruises or bus trips that call into 10 or more destinations in a few weeks, confess that they’ve forgotten what city they’re even in. Or what country. They don’t know which currency they should be using (Americans tend to assume everyone will accept US dollars anyway). They don’t know which language they should be doing their best not to have to speak. They don’t know anything about local customs, food, history, or anything else, really. This is peak tourist behaviour.
You’ve fallen for a scam
There’s no shame in this. Or at least, not the first time anyway. You’re up against people who do this for a living, people who have been practising their art for years. You, the bumbling foreign tourist on your first stint overseas, don’t stand a chance. So you cop being short-changed, you take the scenic route in the cab, you donate money to a budding student of the English language, and you go on your merry way. Dumb tourists get scammed all the time. It’s happened to me, no doubt it’s happened to you. The trick is not to let it continue.
You have a map
As mentioned earlier, you aren’t still unfolding and refolding paper maps, are you? Stopping on the street to peer at that map, waving your arms around, taking out pedestrians desperately trying to duck and weave past your flailing limbs? No? Great.
You’re travelling with a large group
If you’ve managed to find a way to move around in a large group of fellow visitors, to follow along meekly behind a leader with a little flag on a stick or a microphone to speak into, and not look like a dumb tourist, I would love to know about it. Because I’ve never seen it.
You’re eating at McDonald’s
Airports don’t count. Airports are international waters and the rules do not apply. I will die on that hill. If you’re in an airport, you go and eat as much American junk food as you please. If, however, you’re doing this as part of your normal travels, if you’re in Spain or Italy, India or China, Japan or Peru, and you’re eating Macca’s, for shame. You’re missing one of the best travel experiences out there – eating local food – and you’re also sending a clear signal to those around you that you don’t value their cuisine.
I confess: Five times I was a dumb tourist
Scammed in Vietnam: The first time I went to Asia was on a solo trip to Vietnam when I was 24, and I fell for a scam within about four hours. There I was, sitting by Hoan Kiem Lake, pondering my good fortune at even being there, when a young guy approached me and talked me into joining him for lunch. Long story short, it cost me $US100.
Photographing every sunset: I still, to this day, feel the urge to photograph sunsets. I know I won’t get the perfect photo. I know I’ll keep shooting with every new colour that emerges in the sky because I want to get just the right shot. I know I should put the phone down and just enjoy it. But the same thing happens every time.
The Singha singlet: That same first trip to Asia, I decided it would be really cool to collect beer T-shirts from every destination. Now I look back at photos and there I am roaming around South-East Asia with my Tiger shirt, my Beerlao shirt, and most dumb-touristy of all, a Singha singlet. Cringe.
Drunk in Europe: It’s true: I’ve pushed things a little too far in many destinations where residents just don’t get that boozy. I went on a Contiki tour when I was 17. I backpacked around Western Europe when I was in my early 20s. I worked for Topdeck in my mid-20s. I did a lot of stuff that I would definitely not want to do any more.
Macca’s in Jaipur: Despite the advice you will read here, I have been known to visit a certain American fast-food chain while travelling. Most memorably, I went to Macca’s in Jaipur, India to escape some guys who were trying to scam me, and ended up eating terrible food in a place famous for its cuisine.
Five signs you’re being a dumb tourist in your own country
Only travelling overseas: This is the biggest mistake you can make in Australia: not travelling in Australia. Dumb tourists think there’s nothing to see in their own country. The cultural cringe is alive. Smart people will be able to tell you that there is a vast swath of places and experiences out there in Australia to delight any traveller.
Ignoring Indigenous tourism: Talk to many Indigenous tourism operators in Australia, and they will tell you that the bulk of their clients are international, not Australian. There’s a lack of appreciation here for our own First Nations culture, or at least a reticence to learn more about it when on holiday. Which is a shame because these are some of the best experiences out there.
Causing environmental damage: Whether it’s littering, driving on beaches when you’re not supposed to, camping in places where it isn’t allowed, or any number of other destructive actions, these are the signs of a dumb tourist. Don’t let it be you.
Causing cultural damage: For years, Anangu elders asked tourists not to climb Uluru – and yet, some still did. Now, the Dambimangari people are asking tourists not to ride boats through Garaanngaddim, also known as Horizontal Falls, a practice that will be banned from the end of next year. There are numerous examples of this across the country, traditional owners asking that tourists respect their cultural heritage. The smart ones will.
Skipping the big-ticket attractions: You should go to Uluru. As soon as you can. See the Great Barrier Reef. Drive the Great Ocean Road. It may seem unimaginative to go to places in your own country that are so popular, and that will always be there for you to see some other time, but that’s not smart. Go now. Enjoy them many times. These places are amazing.
