Forget about ‘Bazball’, bad Ashes prep and DRS. England simply aren’t good enough

2 months ago 17

Adelaide: Forget about the DRS dramas. Forget all the arguments about Ashes preparation, too.

Definitely forget “Bazball”, a term that currently looks as though it will have a similar lifespan to that of disco. And forget about the notion that a 40-degree day and the flattest pitch of the series would offer the way back to a miracle.

All that needs to be remembered about day two at a scorching Adelaide Oval is how it provided definitive evidence that this England team are simply not good enough to properly compete with an Australian side of bona fide Test match quality.

Australian skipper Pat Cummins is back, and how.

There had been plenty of big statements from England in the build-up. After defeat at the Gabba, Ben Stokes put the blowtorch on his troops for the first time in four years, saying that neither Australia nor his dressing room were places for “weak men”.

Brendon McCullum followed up in Adelaide by backing in his players and their approach as providing a “massive chance” if they played their best. And Stokes rounded off the rhetorical assault by saying his men could win if they showed sufficient “dog” in the looming fight. It was a storm of strong words, but it has proven to count for next to nothing.

It is true that Jofra Archer bowled terrifically well on day one and finished with five wickets. But apart from that, Australia’s first innings of 371 was largely limited by batsman error, and Harry Brook’s drop of Usman Khawaja maintained England’s record of missing chances.

When their turn finally came to bat, the overwhelming sensation was not of any realistic chance that the tourists would pile up 550. Instead, there was simply the creeping reality of a team that has been methodically worn down by Australia, and now having to contend with Pat Cummins and Nathan Lyon on a pitch with some nip and spin.

Cummins, missing from the first two Tests due to his back stress injury, swiftly showed his unrelenting best. Zak Crawley was transfixed in edging an away seamer behind, drawing an exultant leap from the captain.

No member of the England side has looked more fried by Australia than Ollie Pope. Taking the ball from the River End with the help of a hot breeze, Lyon dragged Pope wide of the off stump as if a marionette, coaxing a heedless flick that settled in mid-wicket’s hands.

Pope has not reached 50 now in 15 Ashes innings. If he is up to the task, then he is keeping that fact extremely well-hidden. Ben Duckett, who has copped some brutal deliveries this series, then received another one from Lyon, stretching forward in defence before hearing the sound of the off bail flicked off. Shane Warne’s quarry Mike Gatting is at Adelaide Oval this week; he can empathise with Duckett about how it feels.

Lyon was wicketless for the rest of the day, but his 21 further overs cost a mere 49 runs. At no stage did the Australian pressure dip. Joe Root narrowly avoided being caught behind off Scott Boland before the break, but Cummins ensured that moment mattered little by finding another edge for Alex Carey soon after.

Stokes and Brook battled through a stand worth 56 without ever suggesting true permanence. It said much for Australia’s depth that it was Cameron Green who broke through with a perfect away seamer to find Brook’s outside edge.

When this series is done, if not before, England’s decision-makers will have to ponder the contradiction inherent in how Stokes has exhorted his team to aggression, while being the only member of the 11 to consistently show Test match pedigree when it comes to crease occupation.

At 375, Stokes has thus far faced nearly 100 balls more than England’s next best, Root. But tellingly, Stokes has now faced more than twice as many balls as anyone else, including talents supposedly outsized as Brook, Crawley, Duckett and Pope.

Depending on how much you believe what “Snicko” tells you, Jamie Smith was either out twice or not at all, but the effect was the same. Hyped as a matchwinner entering the series, Smith has wilted in Australia and will have work to do to regain his former confidence. Jonny Bairstow had plenty of flaws, but would surely have shown more than his replacement.

Boland came back to slice and dice Will Jacks and Brydon Carse, and it was left to Archer to accompany a tiring Stokes to the close. Captain and fast bowler had started the day in robust discussion about field settings and lines, but they ended it staring a 3-0 Ashes hiding squarely in the face.

“It’s very hard to row an 11-man boat by yourself,” Justin Langer said of Stokes on Seven. “I’m seeing a lot of that. I see it throughout this series, he’s trying so hard for his team, he’s talking about working hard, fighting hard. Has just got no one going with him. In contrast, Australia have 11 guys all working together.”

Exhausted as they should be by 68 overs in enervating heat, Australia’s players will go to sleep with quiet satisfaction about this day.

Throw in the absent Steve Smith, Brendan Doggett and Michael Neser, and they have so far fielded 14 men who can genuinely call themselves Test cricketers. To paraphrase Stokes from 2023, the same cannot be said for the opposition.