Eight years ago, I called off my engagement. We’re back together, with one big change

1 week ago 3

Zan Rowe is best known for her work as one of the country’s leading music journalists, and host of the ABC’s Take 5. Here, the 47-year-old explains how her grandfather inspired her career choice, and how, after breaking off her engagement eight years ago, she and her partner found their way back to one another.

Zan Rowe had her first relationship at 18, with a man who cold-emailed her from the US.

My paternal grandfather George died when my father was three. He was tragically killed by a car while delivering milk in a horse and cart in the 1940s.

I was very close to my maternal grandfather, Alan, who died aged 98. He was involved in community radio in his 70s – we had that common ground. He’d play concerts and classical music on a show he hosted with my grandmother, Muriel, called Pot-Pourri.

My dad Malcolm was an electrical engineer, a TAFE teacher and also worked for RMIT. I loved hanging with him in the shed, dressed in overalls like Kylie Minogue did in Neighbours. Dad used to give me the oil can to oil the bike. He trusted my curiosity to get around the shed, and I had the same access as my brothers did.

My brother Joel is five years older than me and Josh is four years older. They would gang up on me as a kid. As a 12-year-old girl, I appreciated them bringing their mates over as I would perve at the cute boys who came to skate the half-pipe in our backyard.

In year 7, a guy called Paul asked me out. I didn’t like him, but I obliged due to peer pressure. We dated for a week, and were almost going to kiss near the portables with the entire year 7 watching from behind the trees. He broke up with me because I was “frigid”. He is now my gay bestie and lives two streets away – we do everything together.

I didn’t really fall in love or have a proper relationship until I was 18.

Zan Rowe

My first kiss happened at a house party when I was 15. I grabbed some guy and made him kiss me, so I could get it over and done with. He had just eaten a steamed dim sim; it was disgusting. I gave him a chewy, told him to chew and spit it out and kiss me again. It could not have been more directed.

I didn’t really fall in love or have a proper relationship until I was 18. One day, I got an email from an American guy in Alaska – Damien – saying he’d found my website. Six months later, I flew to America to meet him. I was mentally in love, and we went on a road trip for 2½ months around the States in VW 1978 pop-top. I lived in the USA on and off for 3½ years.

Damien was seven years older than me and I kept deferring my university course because I was in limbo. I broke it off and applied for the RMIT Media Studies course and solidified my connections to community radio – the rest is history.

I met Dave, a filmmaker, through a friend and felt a spark with him straight away. I was 26. He lived in Sydney, and we did long distance for a year. I moved to Sydney and stayed for 14 years. We were together for four. After we broke up, I tried dating some guys in the music biz, but they were flakes.

I went on rsvp.com and found Geoff – a school teacher. When we met, I immediately felt comfortable. He had been living in London and didn’t know who I was. We found out quickly we lived a few streets away from each other in Darlinghurst.

Our first date was a Monday night movie; when I drove him home, we sat in the car talking and kissing. We complement each other well. He is supportive and a good balancer and takes me down a notch if I am getting too big for my boots.

Geoff proposed to me at the 3½ year mark. Because I wanted to be with him, I said yes, even though I didn’t really want to get married. Then we broke up seven years in. We loved each but it wasn’t working. We went our separate ways.

A year after doing some work on ourselves, we started dating again. It was a weird thing to do – especially with someone you were once engaged to, but it was magical. One of the first things I said is that we aren’t re-engaged, and we’re not getting married. We’ve now been together for 15 years.

Season 4 of Take 5 premieres on ABC TV on September 9.

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