Diagnosed with cancer and terrified of dying, Denise Scott asked her husband to do one thing

4 days ago 5

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Denise Scott. The 70-year-old is a comedy-festival regular and Helpmann Award-winning comedian, actor and writer. She’s currently starring as Maggie in the ABC TV remake of Mother and Son.

“I was amazed at how terrified I felt of death. But then I got to thinking really practically.”

RELIGION

I’ve read that when you were growing up, religion was off-topic for your family around the dinner table. True? No, we just didn’t have conversations about it.

Uh, period? Well, there was my mum, my dad, my sister and me. We’d have dinner – tea – every night at 6.30. We weren’t a family where you asked questions. There wasn’t really conversation. Mum worked as a nurse in an aged-care hospital. She might say, “Mrs Arnold died today” – and that would be it. It was just … statements.

So definitely no deeper conversations about religion or philosophy, then? No, they weren’t topics that were discussed. My mum was brought up Catholic, my dad was brought up Methodist and we had to go to a Catholic school. Neither Mum nor Dad were the least bit religious, so my sister and I would go to Mass by ourselves. You just had to go to Mass every Sunday or you’d burn in hell.

So do you still tick “Catholic” on the census? Absolutely not.

When did things change? At the end of the first year of teachers’ college, three of us Catholic schoolgirls went backpacking in New Zealand. We all got seduced by this band of Pentecostal worshippers that was travelling from town to town in a tent. I was really drawn in. They were speaking in tongues and I thought, “Oh, I love this.” They called us into the tent, did this really big pitch to the three of us … then my friend, Anne, did this reeeeeeeally long, slow fart. We all just completely lost it; it just broke the spell. I was like, “What am I doing? This isn’t for me.” The Pentecostal preachers didn’t find it funny and I pretty much never looked back.

DEATH

Death: not exactly an unfamiliar concept to you? It’s not – because of my cancer diagnosis [Denise was diagnosed with breast cancer in January, 2023]. I was terrified. At first, I just hated the thought of dying, but I actually came to the realisation that I don’t think there’s anything [afterwards].

Hence the terror? Yeah. It’s like, “Well, what the f––– have I been doing for the last 70 years? Now it’s all going to be just nothing?” I was amazed at how terrified I felt of death. But then I got to thinking really practically and I was quite amazed. I thought about John, my partner, and how I was totally at peace with the idea of him hooking up with someone else. And then I just went on this journey: “Well, how am I going to feel about her living in our house?” Then I thought, “Well, if she can clean up the place, good on her …”

Wow, you went on a mental journey. I love this. Then I went further: “No doubt she’ll be a younger woman. So if John dies before she does, are the kids going to have the house? Where’s she going to live? Maybe my kids will be kind enough to let her live in the house.” It went on and on …

[Laughs] Denise, this woman doesn’t even exist! I know! And then I got to the point where I thought, “What if she gets all the money I’ve earnt?” Because the only thing I don’t want is for anyone other than my children to benefit from that. So the next day, I said to John, “You know that money we have just sitting in the bank? Why don’t we just give it to our kids today?” And we did. I thought I was going to die, and I didn’t want his new girlfriend to get the money. But I couldn’t explain that to anyone.

So your kids became the beneficiary of the anxiety created … by a hypothetical woman? Yes. Then, of course, I lived! So maybe I was a bit hasty.

SEX

We’re going to talk about sex now. Oh, god.

Denise Scott (at right) and husband John (top) at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2012 with fellow comedians (from left) Sammy J, Felicity Ward, and Celia Pacquola.

That’s not a happy “Oh, god”, is it? No. Sex is hard to talk about because I have to take John into consideration. In fact, when I was having treatment, I said to him, “You actually deserve a better situation in so far as this goes …”

Is it true that you met John in a clowning ensemble? Yes. This was in the 1980s when governments funded regional theatre companies. One of the theatre-company people decided to create a clown ensemble, so I auditioned and got the gig. I met John and we were both, literally, full-time clowns. He was – and actually still is – gorgeous. He was really fit because he roller-skated everywhere. And he wore an op-shop shirt with – hello? – no buttons.

All right, then. The buttons had come off and he had this beautiful chest. So, yeah, it was very physical. I was happy then.

What keeps you together now? His energy, which, at times, can also just drive you nuts. He has boundless energy and positivity – especially now. He’s a great dad and a great grandpa and he’s been a great carer … How great is this? John loves to be talked about. He loves attention.

Well, he’s going to love this interview, then. Oh, he’s really going to love it. I didn’t know that I’d end up doing stand-up as part of my work when we met, but he really hates it if I don’t mention him on stage. Oh, he’ll give me dirt! [Laughs].

Denise Scott will perform her stand-up show, Tickety Boo, at the Sydney Opera House in February and will be at the Melbourne and Brisbane comedy festivals in March, April and May. Mother and Son is on ABC TV and ABC iView now.

[email protected]