1 day ago
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May 29, 2026 — 12:51pm
The dog hiking with us in Vietnam saw the cobra first. Flushed it out in the jungle a stone’s throw away. “Snake!” yelled our guide. “Big one!” He froze. I did too.
Not so my husband. As the cobra and dog thrashed around, Chris pushed past me, pushed past the guide and took off away from danger at a decent clip.
It’s one of my favourite stories, playing the Will Robinson to his Dr Smith. Needless to say, Chris was rapt when White House adviser Stephen Miller appeared to use his pregnant wife as a human shield amid the shooting scare at the White House Correspondents’ dinner. “See? Saving yourself is instinct.”
Sure. But is it the right thing to do?
That question is writ large this week in the saga of ex-Carlton Football Club president Luke Sayers and his now-estranged wife, Cate Sayers. It’s currently playing out in the Victorian Supreme Court while the rest of us wonder if we have a new mayor of Grub Island, my imaginary home for dirty dogs.
If you’re not up to speed, in January 2025, Luke left Carlton after a photo of his penis was posted on his X account. A female manager at a club sponsor was tagged. Court documents claim that in a statutory declaration he provided to Carlton, Luke blamed his wife for posting the pic. He denied that in texts sent to Cate, released by the court this week. It has not been established in court how the image came to be posted online or who posted it.
Where I come from, usually when someone decides “this lighting’s good, let’s get the pants down and snap the old peen”, there’s a sexual element. At best, playful. But here Sayers claims the pic was taken for medical reasons.
Luke texts his wife saying “nobody we know” thinks you did it, “that’s all that matters”. Babe. It breaks my heart how you are feeling.
Meanwhile, he’s allegedly making a self-serving statement that implicates his kids’ mum, someone he pledged to protect forever. It makes him look both ruthless and gormless.
Cate, kudos for fighting your corner against not just one man but the AFL, which should be rethinking its due diligence processes.
I feel icky but fascinated reading the pair’s texts. Were it me, keeping in mind I’ve had three babies so plenty of people have seen my bits, I’d rather an intimate photo of me be published rather than my private thoughts.
In the text tranche, Luke pleads and tries to placate Cate. His desperation is painful: realising, “shit, I could lose my marriage here, what can I say to fix it?”
Cate’s agony: “Find another hotel.” She doesn’t take cheap shots but is scathingly businesslike. The small details of their private words sting because most of us have been there when relationships derail and you’re either trying to fix things or knowing they’re over.
When I wed in 1991, my year 12 Australian history teacher Mrs Whiffin wrote in a card, “Marriage is like a fish: it can survive deep water, being on the rocks and not enough oxygen.”
It can. But geez, it would be a cruel and unusual thing for someone to decide to save their own neck at their spouse’s expense.
And that’s why this cautionary tale cuts through. Not because of the penis. Australia has seen and survived plenty of those. Because beneath a pantless bloke could be a gutless one, exposing his wife to venom.
Kate Halfpenny is an author and the founder of Bad Mother Media.
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