Why these ‘silver splitters’ are calling it quits

33 minutes ago 1

By Gavin Newsham

November 24, 2025 — 7.00pm

Grey divorces – in which couples in their 50s and 60s split, usually after decades of marriage – are on the rise.

A combination of factors – from the introduction of so-called no-fault divorces, empty nest syndrome and increased financial independence among women – mean that later-lifers are bucking the general trend of a decline in divorce rates.

Even middle-aged celebrities aren’t immune. Recently, Hollywood star Nicole Kidman, 58, and husband of 19 years Keith Urban, 58, announced they had parted ways. Kidman filed for divorce and the pair joined the likes of Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner, Bill and Melinda Gates and Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness as high-profile casualties of so-called silver splitting.

Midlife divorce is on the rise – and it’s women who are calling time on their marriages.

Figures from Britain’s Office for National Statistics show it is predominantly women who end marriages, with 63 per cent of divorces filed by women in 2021. Trish Hassall is one of them. The 69-year-old married in 1987 and had three children, twins now aged 35 and a son aged 28, with her former husband.

“While I was married I had three children. I had good friends. I just didn’t have the marriage,” Hassall says. “I knew it was over. I had grappled with it, but I knew the time would be right [to ask my husband] when my youngest was due to go to university.”

The conversation took her husband, a commercial director, by surprise. “He did ask if I could give him a chance, which I did,” she says. “But I think I had no intention of changing my mind.”

The second act

According to experts, this realisation that life may have a second act is one reason for later-life divorce. Put simply, we are all living longer. In Britain, men now live an average of 78.6 years and women 82.6 years, according to the Office for National Statistics (in Australia it is 81.1 years for men and 85.1 years for women, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics). Those in failing marriages realise they still have a sizeable chunk of their lives left to live.

“It’s the idea that you get one life and, potentially, another 30 or even 40 years ahead, and so you really need to grasp the nettle,” says Kate Daly, co-founder of Amicable, an organisation dedicated to helping separating couples avoid the acrimony and expense of divorce.

Daly started the business following her own marriage breakdown and was determined to find a better way for couples to part ways. “My own divorce was an example of how not to do it; it was protracted, stressful and very expensive,” she says.

She has noticed a marked increase in those couples aged 50 and over seeking help with their separation. “Ultimately, marriage can be a long old schlep, and therefore the idea that you’ll have exactly the same aligned wants, desires and aspirations for later life, well, that’s pretty random if you do,” she says.

“I think the question that a lot of people in their 50s ask is: ‘Have we grown together or have we grown apart?’”

Are we growing together or are we growing apart? Once the children leave home, sometimes there is nothing left.

From shame to acceptance

In middle age, many people begin to take stock and re-evaluate who they are and what they really want from life. Often, long-standing resentments or patterns of disconnection finally emerge that can be too significant to ignore or overcome.

Typically, the state of the marriage can be brought into sharper focus when children go to university or leave home and the chaos of a busy family life is no longer creating the kind of distraction that stops couples honestly assessing their relationship.

“When your kids have grown up, you’re suddenly much more starkly aware of who exactly it is you’re spending your time with,” says Daly. “I think that’s what prompts a realisation that maybe you are not getting what you want out of this and that you can make a choice to do something different.”

While adultery is no longer cited as a legal reason for divorce, it is certainly still a driver for divorce. The American Psychological Association found that 53 per cent of marriages broke down within five years of a partner being unfaithful. Silver splitters or those with itchy feet (who did not grow up with online dating apps) suddenly find themselves faced with a tempting surfeit of choice.

Perceptions of failing marriages have also shifted from shame to acceptance. Changing social norms, gender equality and greater mental health awareness have all helped reduce the stigma that was once attached to divorce, which can now also be framed as self-growth rather than failure.

Nicole Everingham, a qualified relationship coach based in Brighton in southern England, says: “Separation has also become more normalised as people no longer see divorce as a personal failure.

“Seeing others re-emerge happier can make it look easy, but it often comes with a new set of challenges – albeit ones that can absolutely be overcome with the right support.”

The social cost

That said, the repercussions of a later split can be huge, not only for the couple and their extended social network, but also their often grown-up children who no longer have a “family home”.

Often, children are shocked and angry at the end of what they thought was a stable, loving relationship and experience grief at the end of their family unit. They may face divided loyalties, strained family ties and anxiety about their own relationships, while practical issues such as which parent to invite for Christmas dinner can also cause division.

Fortunately for Hassall, her children handled a difficult situation brilliantly. “They are three amazing individuals and adults who I’m so proud of as people,” she says. “They have been incredibly supportive and have not taken sides or attempted to take sides.”

However, the split did have ramifications for her social life, much of which was driven by her husband. “I knew that I would lose most of the friends that I had, but it wasn’t a decision taken lightly in terms of the impact it would have – I just knew it was the right one,” she says. “But you also realise what real, deeper friendships are, and not the ones that are more transactional.”

Financial insecurity

Financially, too, divorce in later life can be more difficult for women. A recent Survation report highlighted the financial issues faced by older female divorcees, with 65 per cent reporting concerns about money – historically a barrier to divorce among stay-at-home mothers who gave up their careers to look after children.

While Hassall had always worked, the marriage had adversely affected her career in marketing and her own financial security, as she took time out to look after her children and took on roles she might not ordinarily have considered. “All that meant I had very little pension,” she says.

Hassall and her ex also struggled to sell the family house, which became a barrier to moving on. “I just knew I wasn’t in a position to move out because I had three children,” she says. “I didn’t have family around. I couldn’t put a roof over their heads,” she says.

Fresh perspective

The temptation can be to leave a divorce in the hands of the lawyers, with all the acrimony and financial burden that entails. But there is a different way, Everingham says. “It’s completely normal to feel sadness, anger, grief or fear during divorce, but reacting from those places can deepen hurt and make practical matters harder,” she says. “Taking time to process emotions, seek support, and stay grounded helps you respond rather than react.”

Couples should try to acknowledge the good that once existed in the relationship, but recognise the reality of what is now happening. “That kind of perspective can soften blame and open space for a more compassionate ending,” says Everingham.

That is what Hassall seems to have achieved – like the third of women cited in Survation’s report who say they are happier than they have ever been after the break-up. A little over a year since her divorce, Hassall is still working (“Building up that pension pot”) and aims to retire in a couple of years.

She is also steadfastly single. “I’m not looking for love – I can’t contemplate it,” she says. “Besides, I’ve got wonderful children who I have a lovely relationship with.

“I’m quite happy on my own.”

The Telegraph, London

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