‘There’s less time for games’: Can you find the love of your life after 40?

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Putting yourself out there in search of love can be tough at the best of times, but what if you’re re-entering the dating game as an older adult?

More and more people are stepping back into dating later in life, and while the goal posts may have changed since the last time they were single, relationship coach Beck Thompson says there can be advantages to finding love when you’re older.

“In your 20s, dating often comes with a mix of exploration, uncertainty and a bit of naivety. You’re still figuring out who you are,” says Thompson, founder of The Relationship Circle. “But in your 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond, you’ve lived, loved, maybe raised kids, navigated heartbreak – and you’re often a lot clearer on what matters to you.

“There’s less time for games and more value placed on compatibility, communication and emotional maturity.”

Elizabeth Sweet and Joe Mercia met later in life and discovered a shared love of travel.

There are a host of reasons people might find themselves single later in life. Perhaps a previous relationship has run its course, a spouse has died, a person has been focused on other priorities, or simply they have not found ‘the one’.

Whatever the situation, there are no age limits on finding love.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, 62, will become the first sitting PM to marry when he ties the knot with fiancee Jodie Hayden later this year, while Hollywood stars Liam Neeson, 73, and Pamela Anderson, 58, are rumoured to be dating after discovering a romantic spark on the set of The Naked Gun reboot.

Re-entering the love game

So what does the dating scene look like for older adults? Do you lean on friends for introductions, join a singles’ event, or try to figure out what all the lingo means on those love-matching apps? And what are the rules to dating these days?

Thompson recognises dating for older adults isn’t how it used to be and that the playing field can seem daunting, but she says that with strong boundaries and a calm, open mind, it is possible to find a genuine, rewarding relationship.

“Dating apps are definitely a big player, even for older daters, but introductions through friends are still gold,” she says.

“A lot of people feel overwhelmed by the apps and crave a more organic connection. I always say: do both.

“Keep your social life active, be open to meeting people through mutual connections, but don’t be afraid to dip into the apps either. Just go in with strong boundaries and low expectations.”

And be ready to let go of outdated beliefs around dating etiquette. The old ‘wait three days before calling’ rule or ‘men always pay’ have been put to bed in the modern dating world, says Thompson.

“The rules are looser now, which is freeing – but also confusing,” she says. “Anyone can message first. Coffee dates are common. People move at different speeds.

“I encourage clients to let go of rigid expectations and focus on how they feel during the interaction. Are they being respected? Are their boundaries honoured? That matters more than who picks the place or texts first.”

‘He gave me strength when I had none’

Elizabeth Sweet, 60, had just ended her 37-year marriage when she met Joe Mercia, also 60, at an industry Christmas party four and a half years ago. He had divorced several years earlier.

Their connection was instant and caught them both off guard.

“I had married at 18 and only just separated, so wasn’t really looking, but what started as a simple conversation very quickly grew into something we both knew was rare,” Sweet says.

Sweet and Mercia had each lived full lives, raised children, been blessed with grandchildren, and thought the love chapter of their lives was behind them.

Without the pressure of raising families or building careers, they say love feels easier at this stage of life and their companionship has helped each of them grow in ways neither were expecting.

“This relationship has changed me into someone who loves new experiences,” Mercia says. “With Elizabeth, I’ve discovered a joy in travelling, going to concerts and dining at places I’d never been before.”

When Sweet was diagnosed with breast cancer two and a half years into their relationship, Mercia became her tower of strength.

“I had to go through a double mastectomy with multiple surgeries,” she says. “Joe was so supportive – he was my rock. He took me to all my doctors’ appointments and hospital visits, cared for me and gave me strength when I had none.”

Elizabeth said Joe was there for her when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and later underwent a mastectomy.

With age comes wisdom

Thompson says the key to finding a meaningful, respectful connection later in life is knowing yourself and what you’re looking for in a partner – a clarity often gained from experience.

“After going through one or more serious relationships, people are often more intentional,” she says. “There’s more awareness of what you want and what you won’t tolerate.

“It can come with a quieter confidence, but also some caution. You’ve seen what works and what doesn’t, so you’re not as easily swept up in chemistry without considering the bigger picture.”

‘I was comfortable in my own skin’

Julie Sweet had been single for several years and was in her early 40s when she met her current partner online eight years ago.

“After several long-term relationships and years of dating, I had made a conscious decision to remain single until I met someone I could envision building a life with,” Sweet says.

She says the space she’d given herself meant she was in one of the most emotionally happy stages of her life, content and confident in her sense of self.

“I felt comfortable and at peace in my own skin,” she says. “I had lived a fulfilling life on my own. I wasn’t chasing love out of loneliness or pressure, but I was open to it because I had already chosen myself first.”

Although her partner was at a different stage when they met – divorced with children and unsure initially if he wanted something lifelong – Sweet believes the maturity and life experience each brought helped them create a partnership built on respect and patience, where they could meet each other where they were and grow together.

“Truthfully, I wouldn’t have wanted to meet him any earlier,” she says. “Had we met sooner, I don’t believe we would have worked.

“Meeting when we did gave me the honour to become a mother to my son – something I felt may never happen.

“For that, I will forever be thankful that it all unfolded as it did.”

How to get ‘love ready’ when you’re older

Thompson offers some tips on how to put your best self forward to help find a lasting connection later in life.

Reconnect with yourself: Thompson recommends doing things that light you up, make you feel grounded and attractive on your own terms.

“Dress in a way that makes you feel good,” she says. “Practice self-talk that builds you up. Get clear on your values and non-negotiables.”

Be open emotionally: “This isn’t starting over, it’s starting from experience – that’s powerful,” Thompson says. “Yes, it can be vulnerable, but your past relationships have taught you so much. Every chapter adds depth.”

Stay open to all types of connection: “Meet people, have conversations, allow joy in. Hope isn’t about blind optimism – it’s about believing that your story’s not done yet,” Thompson says.

Self reflect and know what you want: If you’re still carrying unhealed wounds, resentment, or fear, it’ll show up in how you date, Thompson says.

“Take the time to understand your patterns, reconnect with your self-worth, and get clear on what you actually want.”

Get app smart: If you’re using apps, Thompson says there are tricks to attracting the right people. “Set your filters, write a profile that actually reflects who you are, and don’t waste your time swiping on people who aren’t aligned.”

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