The best Thai island beach – and it’s largely backpacker-free

There is still a part of me that pines for the days of banana-pancake backpacking. Of dodgy overnight buses, internet cafes and dog-eared Lonely Planet guidebooks. Of beachside Thai bungalows with their bad plumbing and spooky fans but where for five bucks a night, you’d get a bed, a hammock and a view of the ocean that couldn’t be bought by any billionaire.

Then there is another part of me that has come to enjoy a fluffy pillow and some air-conditioning in my older age. It’s left me in a nebulous position where I want to feel like a backpacker again, I’d just rather not be drunk 90 per cent of the time.

This is what brought me to Chaloklum, probably (definitely) the best spot on Thailand’s Koh Phangan island. Once an active fishing village, it’s now a laid-back beach town, a halfway house for people who come to Thailand in search of whatever Leonardo DiCaprio was looking for, but who don’t want to drink out of buckets or slather their bodies in fluorescent paint.

It’s also far removed from the acai bowls, avocado toast and bougie cafes that cater to the crowds of digital nomads who have commandeered the island. There are no enclaves of tourists who travel halfway around the world just to insulate themselves with people from home, and no drunk kids born this side of the millennium. It has absolutely nothing that I’ve come to hate about Thai islands, and all the little things that I love.

Let’s start with the beach. Chaloklum might not have the whitest sand or the most postcard-worthy waters, but it makes up for this by being free from the usual overdevelopment that has scarred so much of Thailand. There are no gargantuan resorts and nothing that pockmarks the natural beauty of what is still a great beach.

And while it’s lovely during the day, at sunset it’s enchanting, with people coming from all over the island to gather on the rocks, splash in the shallows and watch as the last remains of the day drip like golden honey across the universe.

But if you are searching for that perfect beach, the good news is that it’s just around the corner. Bottle Beach might be the best beach in the whole of Thailand, and it’s only accessible by longtail boat, one you have to catch from the pier in Chaloklum. Catch a longtail, jump into knee-deep, bath-warm water that is so clear you can see the colour of your toenail polish, and spend your day rotating between the sun, the sand and the saltwater.

When you catch the longtail back, you’ll be treated to about a dozen great restaurants overlooking the beach in Chaloklum. These range from the kind of wooden, windswept shacks that are as leaky as an old boat, to some fancier establishments with splashbacks and wine racks.

A good rule of thumb when choosing where to eat is that the more structurally unsound the restaurant feels, the more delicious the food will be. If you step inside and think you’re moments away from falling through the floorboards then congratulations, you’ve come to the right place.

And for those who want to dust off those dancing sandals and experience the Full Moon Party, you should know that Chaloklum is geographically as far from the party as you can get without leaving the island.

You can still get to Haad Rin, of course, it’s just going to take at least two songthaews or one expensive island taxi to make it happen.

To me, this is a good thing, as the Full Moon Party feels like a packaged version of what it was 20 years ago, which feels like a packaged version of what it was 20 years before that, which makes you realise that the Full Moon Party is now in its 40s and should probably adopt some healthier lifestyle choices.

Times change and while we’ll never go back to the days of backpacking before smartphones made us that little bit dumber, if you want to experience a glimmer of that same magic, you’ll find it (and me) on the beach in Chaloklum.

THE DETAILS

FLY

Bangkok Airways flies from Bangkok to Koh Samui, at which point you’ll have to get a ferry across to Koh Phangan. See bangkok-airline.com

TRAIN

For the true backpacker experience, catch the overnight train to Surat Thani from Krung Thep Aphiwat. I get off early at Chumphon and catch the Lomprayah Ferry from there. And remember, always book the lower bunk (from $33). See dticket.railway.co.th

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