Queensland, beautiful one day, winless in the NRL the next

6 days ago 11

There’s no stat for it, but was this the sweatiest round in NRL history?

If the former Prince Andrew were a rugby league player, even he might have perspired. The early March humidity turned warm-ups into sauna sessions. Late in games, players were collapsing with cramps like they’d been shot. Every venue felt like Queensland.

Interestingly, the Queensland-based teams, most acclimatised to the steam-bath conditions, all lost. On Sunday, with the air not so much raining as wringing, South Sydney slithered through the Dolphins 40-30 to leave the Queensland clubs all equal on zero points after round one.

Souths have some of the smallest players in the NRL, and Jye Gray, Peter Mamouzelos and Bud Sullivan showed that a small cake of soap is harder to hold than a big one. The decisive try was scored by Lachlan Hubner, who, impersonating James Graham in the infamous Vaso-gate episode of 2012, slipped out of tackles like he was made of petroleum jelly.

Dolphins defenders, who missed 35 tackles in the game, fell about for most of the afternoon like they were trying to get out of a bathtub.

Defeat cut deep for Broncos prop Payne Haas on Friday night.

Spoon of the week

The worst of the worst Queensland clubs – frankly, the worst team of the round – were the premiers. On Friday, the Broncos scored zero points against Penrith and were lucky to get that many. They dropped the ball 19 times.

Penrith, having started like a machine, soon caught the dropsies and the match degenerated into the messiest of the round. It was a pity to see all that hype dissolve into a puddle of transpiration.

Penrith are clearly back, but it was difficult to assess their quality against an opponent that played the way Brisbane did. Still, it might be part of a cunning plan: to repeat comebacks like 2025, they first have to fall a long way behind.

Premier of the week

When allowed to play as they want, Melbourne and Cronulla are scintillating. The Storm clicked into gear as they do every season. Coach Craig Bellamy preparing for each week like it’s a grand final might have something to do with it.

For the Sharks, if Brayden Trindall and Will Kennedy can keep flying under the radar they will be deployed to the Middle East. There are no more improved spine players in the league.

Ethan Sanders celebrates his first NRL try with Joe Tapine.

But the reigning minor premiers stood out, continuing the trajectory that started last year. Canberra were unflattered by their scoreline against Manly, who looked so bewildered to find themselves in a golden point situation that they more or less gave away Ethan Sanders’ winning field goal.

We still don’t know how good Ethan Strange, Kaeo Weekes, Xavier Savage, Noah Martin and Sanders will be.

Manly were only in the game at Brookvale on Saturday due to having had literally all possession for the first 15 minutes, and then two late moments of Tolu Koula genius. For the other 64 minutes, Canberra blitzed their hosts with fast and precise ball movement in pouring rain. They were the best team through 2025, and this season they only need a bit of luck … Oops, strike that out ...

The team that wins games it shouldn’t of the week

Every year there is a team that keeps losing games it should, and one that keeps winning games it shouldn’t. St George Illawarra got a well-documented bad refereeing call at the critical moment, but had wasted other chances like they were on a gambling trip to Las Vegas. If the Dragons are a team that just knows how to lose, the Bulldogs might, this year, be the team that just knows how to win.

DCE watch

On round-one form, Canberra were the clear winners of the Ethan Sanders-Jamal Fogarty-
Daly Cherry-Evans roundabout. It’s always more satisfying to grow your own.

For all the attention on DCE, the Roosters lost to the Warriors on Friday in the same way they lost matches in 2025: indiscipline and dropped ball. The 11-4 penalty count, to be fair, resulted from a few close calls going against them, but Trent Robinson refused to offer it as an excuse. It’s only round one, so he’s got time.

That said, the Roosters halves did not go well. The Warriors rammed semi-trailers down DCE’s side of the field, exploiting defensive miscommunication. Sam Walker made some poor kicks, and the Roosters’ ineffective kicking game overall (17 kicks for 283 metres, compared with the Warriors’ 18 kicks for 528 metres) was supposedly one reason DCE was recruited.

Robinson steered scrutiny away from the Walker-DCE combination, but neither player looked comfortable in their first-and-second-banana arrangement. Sooner or later, Robinson’s stubbornness will be tested and he will be pressured to give control of the team to Cherry-Evans.

Let’s see. It’s only round one.

Trials on trial

Four of the most disappointing teams in the NRL trials were Melbourne, Canberra, the Panthers and the Warriors. The most impressive teams in round one were Melbourne, Canberra, the Panthers and the Warriors. And the stars of the trials were the Gold Coast Titans, who peaked as early as Oscar Piastri in the grand prix. There’s a fine line between warming up and skidding out.