My number one rule for parenting? Unlimited screen time

November 14, 2025 — 5.30am

I have fed my kids crackers for dinner. I have cancelled their birthday parties out of sheer laziness. But the main source of my parental shame should be the amount of screen time I let them have. My kids watch more TV than TV critics.

To be honest, it is my favourite thing about them. “Aww, look at my beautiful creations, keepers of my DNA,” I’ll think to myself as I watch them sprawled on the couch, scrolling into their 14th straight episode of Teen Titans Go! in one sitting, followed by a multi-hour chaser of Animal Crossing on the Nintendo Switch.

The happiest children are screen time children. Don’t you want your children to be happy?Credit: Getty Images

I’ve been told this is a bad thing. The science around screen time for children says: “Children aged 5-17 should have no more than two hours of screen time a day.” But I have my own scientific evidence around screen time. It’s called “me”.

I was watching unlimited screens before the phrase “screen time” existed. I have watched more screens than a security guard in a heist movie. I’ve watched more screens than a VAR referee.

From the day I was born, this is how I was raised. In the day, by my abuela’s side as she watched a daily marathon of Days of Our Lives, The Bold and the Beautiful and Santa Barbara; at night, with my whole family gathered around Married with Children or Seinfeld or Mr Bean. By the time I was 10, I had a TV in my room and a Sega Mega Drive and no one to tell me what to do.

My point is: look at me now! I am perfect, a human specimen of awe and wonder. Against all odds, I have 20/20 vision. I’ve been waiting 40 years for my eyes to “turn square” and they’re still round. I am the medical marvel that disproves the paranoia around screen time.

Spiritually, though, I am a “square eyes”. My partner is a “round eyes”, spiritually. Physically, she’s a “four-eyes”, which is ironic because she grew up with books instead of screens. I’m just saying: everyone blames eye stuff on screens when the evidence points to books. Should I start waving my arms around about the dangers of “book time”?

Since everyone thinks the way they were raised was correct, this has caused some contention in our household. I’ll turn the TV on, she’ll turn the TV off. “You’re addicted!” she’ll say. “Excuse me for bringing the warm sounds of the Everybody Loves Raymond laugh track into our cold dead house!” I’ll reply. Then I’ll chant a few bars of Kendrick Lamar’s TV Off to drive the point home, and then we’ll sit down for dinner.

Like an anti-vaxxer of screens, I just don’t believe the science. “TV rots your brains!” goes the classic line. But I’ve watched my kids craft entire epic worlds – in stories, in pictures, in weird smudges on the shower glass – out of the characters from their favourite TV shows and video games. I’ve watched their senses of humour develop incredibly, and I’m pretty sure it’s just because they watch an insane amount of SpongeBob SquarePants and Italian Brainrot.

People act like every minute of screen time steals a part of your kid’s soul until they don’t recognise you any more, but screens have actually brought us together for old-fashioned quality time. Like a wartime family, we’ll all sit around playing Mario Kart together or trying to decipher the clues on a game show like The 1% Club. (The British version hosted by Lee Mack, not the Australian version hosted by Jim Jefferies. Because another thing that has brought our family together is our disdain for Jim Jefferies.).

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Sometimes my kids will giggle at a TV ad and I’ll think “Oh no, what have I done?” but then I’ll suddenly remember that giggles are the physical manifestation of happiness and I’ll crown myself King of Dads. Don’t you wanna be a King of Dads (sure, or Queen of Mums), too? The answer is screen time. Stop worrying so much about screen time.

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