My colleagues are jealous of my financial success. How can I tell them to back off?

2 hours ago 1

Each week Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions on workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: jealous colleagues, working with an incompetent manager and having annual leave rejected.

When your colleagues are resentful because you’ve made better financial decisions is there anything you can do about it?

I’ve been with my team for more than 10 years, and through sacrifices and smart investments, I’ve turned an average salary into a solid real estate portfolio, assets, and a healthy nest egg. I don’t gloat and am not flashy, but it’s hard to hide the results. My team has noticed, and some have become resentful, often making snide comments like, ‘It must be nice,’ gossiping behind my back and excluding me. I find it ridiculous, especially since we’re all on the same salary — the difference is simply that I’ve made different financial choices. How can I tell them to back off? Several of them follow me on social media. I want to delete them, but it could cause even bigger problems.

You have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed, about and your colleagues’ jealously simply reflects their own issues. However, that doesn’t make it any easier for you day to day. Given you have known your team for such a long time, do you feel able to say anything to them? If I err on giving them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they don’t appreciate how much their jibes hurt?

If you did just delete your colleagues from social media, that is bound to create an issue, for sure. You could let everyone know you are going to modify your social media accounts, telling them you want to keep your work life and private life separate. Tell them you will focus on LinkedIn for your connection with them, and your other social pages will just be to connect with family. If you are upfront about the reasons for the change you will remove a lot of the angst.

I am working in the public sector and recently got an acting manager who had previously been my colleague. I’m not getting along with him – he seems incompetent from a leadership perspective. For example, he doesn’t provide any directions but then insists on last-minute changes, risking key timelines. I lost my cool in a team meeting recently, although I was able to control myself within a short time. How am I best to get along with him?

Good on you for realising you need to focus on what you can control in this situation - you. Now that you know he is unlikely to provide directions, be proactive. Clarify with him by email to confirm precisely what he wants, and by when. He should definitely be communicating more clearly but to save your sanity (and meet your deadlines) you may need to be on the front foot.

If you haven’t already done so, make sure you apologise to those in the meeting where you lost your cool. You have to own whatever happened and reassure your colleagues it won’t happen again. This will help build trust with them and remind everyone that as you all grapple with a new manager, cool heads will help you all succeed.

I’ve been in my job for almost a year and I requested two weeks of annual leave, and gave almost three months in advance. My boss has rejected my annual leave, citing there are no resources to cover for me for two weeks, despite having quite a large team. He made me feel guilty for even considering taking annual leave. What do I do?

Your boss sounds like he is being unreasonable – you are entitled to take the annual leave you have accrued, and your boss can only withhold it due to legitimate business reasons. You have given plenty of notice, and if you have a large team it sounds like there is an increased chance of cover being available.

The fact your boss’s behaviour caused you to feel guilty about taking leave at all tends to suggest he just doesn’t want you out of the office for two weeks, and that, in and of itself, is not reasonable. Ask your boss to reconsider on the basis that cover can be found, and you have given plenty of notice. If he still refuses, you could contact HR or Fair Work Australia, but that is likely to escalate things with your boss, and not in a good way. Ask your boss what his concerns actually are, and reinforce why your leave application is not a reflection of your lack of commitment, but an opportunity for you to refresh and come back with even more energy.

To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask. You will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited.

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