3 weeks ago
10
Mitch Brown’s coming out as bisexual has made history in more ways than it first seems. Until this week, no AFL male player had ever publicly identified as gay or bisexual in 129 years – yet, statistics suggest, there may be 100-plus closeted men in the league.
It’s also groundbreaking that he came out as bisexual, rather than gay.
Mitch Brown with his former wife, Shae Bolton.Credit: Matthew Tompsett
Bisexual people face discrimination even within the gay community. I sometimes hear lazy prejudices about their ability to be monogamous, or damaging perceptions that being bisexual is a “halfway house” to an inevitable disclosure of being gay. Being in a current committed relationship with a woman, Brown smashes these stereotypes.
Additionally, as behavioural scientist Dr Erik Denison has said, unlike athletes who’ve recently come out in football and rugby union, Brown is “using this moment to call for change to the AFL’s harmful hypermasculine and homophobic culture”, in which he heard “countless” comments such as, “I’d rather be in a cage of lions than shower next to a gay man”.
Loading
Comments like this – and perceptions while growing up that, as Brown says, “for a man in Australia, [being gay] was probably the weakest thing you could be” – not only kept bi men closeted; they persuaded some gay men to create fake “straight” personas and marry women, to dupe people into believing they were not gay.
And that’s where this story has really made history.
Upon Brown telling her of his plans to out himself as bisexual, his ex-wife, former elite netball player Shae Bolton, sent him a touching supportive text message, which she agreed – at his request – could be made public. Bolton said his disclosure would make the world “a slightly better place” because it’s “living the values of the kind of man I want our two boys to grow up to be – men that care and are proud of who they are”.
Brown also spoke of the support from his current partner, Lou. “She goes, ‘Hey Mitch, I’m so bloody proud of you,’” he told The Daily Aus. “This is my partner, who’s a woman, holding my hand as we are walking to share my experience about being a bisexual man.”
Loading
This is also groundbreaking. In most cases, when a man comes out after being married to a woman, a rainbow garland is unfurled and people loudly celebrate his courageousness and that he can “finally be himself”. It comes from a good place of wanting to be a good LGBTQ ally. But what’s often completely sidelined is the unheard voice of the woman he was married to, or the woman he is currently with.
She’ll often remain silent for fear of accusations of homophobia or exasperation at negative attitudes towards people who date a bisexual partner. Yet her voice really matters. Some of these women have been badly hurt. Others become LGBTQ allies to the partners they suspected were gay. All tell a critical story: a society that is so hypermasculine and homophobic that some men still resort to a closeted double life harms everyone.
That’s why the voice of Brown’s female partners is so powerful here. They’re the unsung heroes of this story. Their supportive messages told Brown how proud they were of him.
When they were partners, Bolton and Brown likely faced biphobia that prevented them from discussing it publicly. Female partners of bi men have to confront prejudices that her partner is “greedy”, “indecisive” or “untrustworthy”.
Mitch Brown in action for the West Coast Eagles in 2010.Credit: Getty Images
I’ve specialised in interviewing the female partners of men who come out as gay or bi. As a gay man, I could foster trust among these women, by finding sympathy for them while other gay men are too busy welcoming their newest community member to give his female partner a second thought.
The female partners of gay men often don’t share the positive experience expressed by Brown’s. They navigate trauma and distress, often completely alone, left to face within their communities the taboo that their husbands felt they had to hide.
I heard moving stories of infidelity, HIV tests, lies, gaslighting, feelings of worthlessness, marriages feeling like shams and utter heartbreak. Some onlookers victim-blame, claiming ex-wives were stupidly gullible and should surely have suspected. Meanwhile, their ex-husbands are often hailed as “brave”.
Just one in-person free service in the world specifically helps these women: the Women Partners of Gay/Bi Men service in Leichhardt, Sydney. One woman, whose recent male ex-husband came out as gay, flies from Melbourne to Sydney fortnightly just to make the “lifesaving” support group meetings with other women.
It’s telling that Roxanne McMurray, who has run the service for more than two decades, says that in recent years, it’s been busier than ever: 250 women attend yearly. Even in 2025, some men are still not being completely honest with their female partners.
Mitch Brown has been honest with the world, and the women in his life have joined the applause. It doesn’t always turn out this way but – in a more open and inclusive society – it absolutely could.
Gary Nunn is a contributor to The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age.
Most Viewed in Sport
Loading
