Instead of pashing my husband I’m watching Jennifer Aniston with a blowdryer. I’m a phubber

2 days ago 6

Opinion

September 12, 2025 — 11.16am

Along with considering shoes an investment, trying to make everyone join my gym, narrating out loud whatever I’m doing — “get the porridge on then check Luxury Escapes” — and putting off seeing the doctor until the pneumonia has spread to both lungs, I have a new crap habit.

New to me at least. It’s more than a decade since phubbing was first named as a trend by an Australian ad agency but I’ve been too busy raising kids and getting on my knees praying that any Outlander seasons after the second would include red-hot sex to buy into it.

Is watching a video of Jennifer Aniston doing Courteney Cox’s hair any excuse to be ignoring your family?

You probably know this already, but phubbing is phone snubbing. Ignoring someone by looking at your phone instead of paying attention to them during a conversation or social situation.

Yeah, spot on. The bad manners you upbraided your children about when they were slumped in the passenger seat, ignoring you and texting while you drove them millions of kilometres to sport and parties. Unmoved even by the opening bit of St. Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion) on Smooth FM.

There was no such thing as “phone away” times at my place because there was no need. People knew to look at each other while speaking. But now, lo, I’ve become a phubber. And I don’t know why.

Maybe I’ve been married or isolated down the coast too long, but suddenly — after, what, decades of having a mobile — the phone has become inexplicably irresistible.

Chris will appear, freshly showered, and ask what he can prep for dinner. Of course, der, my response should be, “start with me, handsome”. Invite a little pash in front of the fridge with the insecure dog wedging herself between us.

Nah. These days I say “nah, all G” and don’t even ask what happened on Antiques Roadshow. I pretend I’m looking up that spicy beef ramen noodle recipe but am really checking Copenhagen Fashion Week street style.

Last week I watched Jennifer Aniston blow dry Courteney Cox’s hair as Chris tried to interest me in Essendon trade gossip or maybe it was that the mystery of the grassy knoll was finally solved and we’d won Super 66. On the couch, we both scroll unashamedly and wouldn’t notice if the other was wearing a kicky top hat and spats.

But as always when you’re living your best life, research has come along to snap me out of my “la la la, I can’t hear you” idyll.

The warning signs were there in 2023, when data revealed over half of people preferred the company of their smartphone to their partner. Now, researchers from Anna University in Chennai, India, warn “phubbing” risks destroying romantic relationships.

They found that by concentrating on their phones, people fail to maintain regular eye contact with their partners. And this impacts how affectionate people feel towards them and affects how often they touch.
Sound familiar? For me, yes. Bottom line: couples who use their mobiles the most saw a decline in eye contact and ergo making love.

Phubbing is “a subtle but persistent form of partner neglect,” said the researchers.

Right? Neglect. So Dickensian. Yet so modern. “It disrupts human intimacy by reducing face-to-face attention, emotional closeness, and sexual desire,” found the study.

It gets worse. Forget the inevitable asteroid, phubbing might eventually kill off humans! It “may have deeper evolutionary and relational consequences”.

Like? I can’t break this gently. Those who experience frequent phubbing are “over three times more likely” to hesitate about having kids.

And it’s not just the birth rate which may suffer. In a second new study, University of Southampton researchers found people with emotional insecurities are even more affected when partners choose their phones over them.
Being phubbed can lead to “cycles of conflict and withdrawal” said study co-author Dr Claire Hart: “In relationships these small moments can mount up, creating a sense your partner’s attention is elsewhere and that you’re less valued.”

My darling. We may have shelved plans for a late in life surprise baby. We may not be insecure. But I do miss looking into your eyes. Remind me what colour they are … outside world be damned. Let’s talk.

Kate Halfpenny is founder of Bad Mother Media. Her new book, Boogie Wonderland, is out now.

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