If you have a problem with thong bikinis, the problem is you

The recent outbreak of thongs (g-strings, not flip-flops) at beaches and swimming pools has prompted a revival of prudish responses from casual swimsuit observers. Not since the days of bikini beach inspectors at Bondi have so many zinc-covered noses wrinkled in disgust at the bold attempts of sun worshippers to achieve maximum vitamin D exposure.

Teenagers who years earlier could have been building sandcastles au naturel are deemed too young for the revealing silhouette of “barely there” swimsuit bottoms, and those who have been fighting gravity for decades too old. Despite the critics, the thong continues to spread faster than glandular fever at a school formal.
Let’s get the sexism behind these complaints out of the way.

Love Island has helped to popularise the thong bikini.Credit: Sara Mally/PEACOCK via Getty Images

Men have been tapping into the trend for years, with surf lifesavers submitting to self-imposed wedgies to reduce the risk of friction burns from skimpy fabric while rowing. That doesn’t explain why the gathered fabric remains unplucked from clenched glutes while lifesavers stand on the beach. Patriarchal privilege has shielded them from complaints. For that, I say “thank you”.

Scholars look back even further, with the thong regarded as one of the earliest forms of clothing worn by men to protect their genitals. It is not known whether they were worn when swimming, though male and female Japanese divers would don white versions of the buttock-dividing fundoshi when gathering pearls.
The unsolicited opinions start when women start wearing thongs for their own satisfaction. Sound familiar? Please see similar reactions to trousers, bloomers and miniskirts.

In the ’70s, the modern swim thong entered popular culture – and women’s wardrobes – thanks to US designer Rudi Gernreich as a response to the banning of nudity on Californian beaches.

“The Thong is my response to a contradiction in our society: nudity is here; lots of people want to swim and sun themselves in the nude; also lots of people are still offended by public nudity,” Gernreich, who died in 1985, wrote in his manifesto.

Gernreich’s Thong, which was designed for men and women, has since entered the collections of the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute in New York and London’s V&A museum. The National Gallery of Victoria missed out on the Thong but has one of Gernreich’s less successful but equally influential topless swimsuits in its collection. In 2019, the Gernreich thong was re-released, with a version in updated fabrics available for purchase, but this fashion throwback is not driving the trend.

A cocktail of Love Island episodes, TikTok trends, body positivity and considerable profit margins seems to be propelling an increase in the bottom line of thongs.

Swimsuits should be practical, comfortable, quick-drying and useful.Credit: Jessica Hromas

So why the outrage? Are they stylish? In my opinion, no, but that’s not the point.

Stylish swimsuits are as rare as genuine vintage Chanel handbags at discount prices on the internet. Aside from the classic Jets black one-piece, some sleek Eres and Bondi Born straight neck, spaghetti strap numbers and Matteau’s asymmetric maillots, swimsuits have as much chance of making you look runway-ready as that singlet your uncle gave you after a trip to Bali.

Stylish swimsuits are also challenging for men. If Daniel Craig had emerged from the water as James Bond in Casino Royale wearing a thong, boardies or a Speedo instead of La Perla’s Grigioperla Lodato swim shorts, his run as 007 might have lasted as long as George Lazenby’s.

Swimsuits don’t have to be stylish. They should be practical, comfortable, quick-drying and useful for swimming and enjoying the pleasures of the beach, pool or dam at the bottom of the paddock. If they make you feel good and don’t cause physical injury or perform a disappearing act when diving off a pier, you’re winning.

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The thong ticks all of these boxes. It dries faster than boardshorts the size of culottes that leave body-conscious teenage boys waterlogged for hours, they can be more comfortable than an elastic gripping your thighs and allow you superior sensory sensation of sun and water. There are drawbacks. Sitting on concrete without the protection of a towel can leave buttocks more dimpled than a mandarin. Failing to apply enough sunscreen can leave them the same colour.

If thongs make you feel uncomfortable, stop and ask yourself why? A harmless swimsuit shouldn’t trigger this level of outrage. Save that for people who wear denim to weddings.

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