I’ve just learned why I was inexplicably fired 40 years ago. I’m furious

3 hours ago 4

Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions on workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: anger triggered by a blast from the past, being white-anted by a colleague and setting after-hours boundaries.

When you have been mistreated in the workplace, is it worth revisiting decades later?

Nearly 40 years ago, I lost a job I loved. I was told it was due to a restructure. Last week, I ran into an old colleague who revealed the real reason: my manager had been having an affair with a receptionist and used me as his excuse for coming home late — claiming he had to stay back fixing my “poor work”. His wife complained to the company and I was quietly let go. I was devastated. The dismissal crushed my confidence and caused real financial strain. I’ve since built a successful career, but learning the truth has reignited all that anger. The manager is retired now, still married and his wife probably none the wiser. What do I do with this fury that is decades old but feels brand new?

Woah, that is a lot to learn decades after the fact. I would be beyond furious too, and I would tell my friends, family and partner and whomever else I love to vent to about work. Then I would let it go. There is simply nothing that can be served from revisiting this painful time in your life. You were badly done by, but your fury will serve you nothing but pain in your new life.

What I love about your letter is how your resilience and fortitude shines through. You were able to use what was an incredibly unfair and painful chapter to build your life now which is soaring. Please don’t let this piece of history do any more damage than it has. You can hold your head high and feel proud of all you have achieved.

My work life is being made miserable by a fellow EA. She seems determined to undermine me. She won’t coordinate diary requests and has cultivated a friendship with my manager which she uses to make me look bad. It’s clear she’s spreading lies – and my manager believes her. I’ve had no chance to respond, and the stress is taking a real toll on my health. Apart from quitting, what can I do?

Don’t quit, but start to reassert yourself and demonstrate your high levels of competence with your manager every single day. When she won’t coordinate a diary request, make sure your manager knows you have tried and explain what is causing the block. Whenever you agree to something with this EA, confirm it in writing so it is clear who agrees to do what. Document everything. Avoid making this disagreement personal – focus on process and outcomes.

If you are not already having regular catch-ups with your manager, set them up. Make sure you keep your manager abreast of everything you are working on; if there are tensions with the EA, stick to the facts. Make sure you have documented all the ways a particular challenge has been dealt with at your end and obstructed at the other. It sounds like the other EA either feels threatened by you or wants to be the only EA in the team. Your best way to overcome that is to become indispensable to your manager and others.

My boss loves a late-night DM. If I don’t reply, I get a “?” the next morning. We now have a “right to disconnect” policy, but nobody wants to be the first to test it. How can I set boundaries?

If your boss thinks you are shirking your job by not being on call 24-hours per day, he is living in the past. Not only is it now against the law, it is just foolish to think anyone will be at their best if they have no time to decompress.

I recommend the next time he leaves you with a “?“, wait until the next working day to answer his question. If he tells you this is too slow, let him know you don’t check your emails or phone after hours but you did respond as soon as you started work. If he still has a problem, you will need to have a conversation with him, and potentially HR, to agree on when you will be available. It is not reasonable for him to expect you to be on call, and if he is treating you this way he is probably doing the same to others.

To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask. You will not be asked to provide your name or identifying information. Letters may be edited.

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