I can easily afford business class seats. So how do I stop acting so frugal?

1 week ago 3

Opinion

September 9, 2025 — 3.35pm

I’ve achieved “FAT” in my mid-50s [a level of financial retirement that can afford an above-average lifestyle]. It’s taken a lifetime to achieve, but how do you learn to spend? I want to fly business class, but my frugal habits hold me back. I understand the “die with zero” philosophy, and that you can’t take it with you, but I can’t believe I worked so hard to give myself options, but now I just can’t seem to take the plunge.

This question wasn’t directed to me personally. I found it posted anonymously in a FIRE (financial independence; retire early) online group. I’m going to answer it anyway because it’s a great representation of conversations I’ve had with many people.

If you’ve spent a lifetime being frugal, you might feel trapped by your spending habits.

This is the “dark side” of frugality. If you spend years training yourself to cut costs and spend less, and you pride yourself on how little you spend because you believe “spending is bad, saving is good”, that becomes your truth – one that is difficult to see outside.

We tend to think financial results are a byproduct of practical financial skills and behaviours. How to save, invest, optimise your taxes – this all takes financial skill. But what precedes financial behaviour? What makes someone prioritise investing over spending, in the first place?

Each of us carries a complex web of thoughts, emotions and beliefs, that inform both our behaviour and our world view. This is why behaviour change is hard. It’s not just about “doing” something different – that part is simple.

The challenging part is unlearning and re-learning entire belief systems, to reorient your behaviour in a new direction. So, how do you unlearn a lifetime of frugality?

You cannot simultaneously believe spending is ‘wrong, bad, wasteful’, and then have a guilt-free, enjoyable relationship with spending.

1. How do you currently view spending and saving?

If you were to do a fill-in-the-blanks exercise, what words would you use to complete these phrases: “Spending is _____”; “Saving is _____.”

Maybe you think spending is wrong, bad, selfish, wasteful; and saving is good, right, responsible. You can also try this with “feelings” – what feelings do you associate with spending and saving? Maybe spending triggers guilt, shame, regret, stress, worry.

This is the mental and emotional world you currently live inside. This is the world view that is driving not just your financial decisions, but how you experience your financial decisions.

You might even start to see why you’ve been so successful at saving. Making something “wrong” is a pretty effective way to discourage behaviour. We do it all the time everywhere – from parenting, to law enforcement. In some senses, it works – but does it allow you to choose behaviour from genuine desire, or from guilt, fear and obligation?

I see this approach as a sort of shortcut. It can elicit the right “action” – but it bypasses the emotional development required for you to take action from a place of real choice and freedom. This is why you can start to eventually feel trapped – you’re doing “all the right things” but somehow you feel less free than ever before.

2. Do you genuinely desire change?

This is the hardest part – truly deciding you want change. It’s hard because change may require the opposite of what currently feels safe, right, familiar.

You can’t simultaneously create a healthier relationship with spending, and still keep your savings rate as high as it is. You can’t experience the enjoyment of spending, while still restricting yourself from spending.

Do you see what I’m saying? There are benefits to your status quo. Maybe it’s easy for you to save. Maybe you’re proud of how much you save. Maybe you’ve built an entire identity around frugality – your friends know you as the “frugal one” who gives them cost-cutting tips.

Are you ready to give that up? This is the hard part – giving up the benefits attached to your current modus operandi, and deciding that what you’ll gain is worth more than what you’ll lose.

3. Start creating a new relationship with spending

You cannot simultaneously believe spending is “wrong, bad, wasteful”, and then have a guilt-free, enjoyable relationship with spending. There’s an inherent contradiction there.

What you want to start doing is loosen up the “black-and-white” thinking.

Start finding examples of people who are both financially successful and also enjoy spending. Start to get curious – why would someone who is financially savvy, enjoy spending? What is the belief system they have that allows them to value both spending and growing wealth?

You’ll start to move away from a binary worldview (where people who spend must be financially uneducated, and people who are financially educated must not enjoy spending) to one where it’s more of a continuum: you can enjoy having wealth as well as the things that wealth can afford you.

It’s not about one or the other – it’s about finding the right balance for you.

Paridhi Jain is founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.

Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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