Dominica’s children go to school on another continent. This is how they stay connected

Parenting is, at its core, an exercise in presence. But what happens when work, education or circumstance creates a physical distance between parent and child?

According to Dr Justin Coulson, one of Australia’s leading parenting experts and host of the Happy Families podcast, navigating the challenges of long-distance parenting comes down to a single word. “To a child, love is spelled t-i-m-e,” he says.

“It doesn’t matter whether they’re three or 17; relationships are fundamentally built through time spent together. Trust, good intentions, communication – they all matter. But without time, the relationship has no essential foundation.”

Reassuringly, for those parenting from afar, distance doesn’t automatically mean disadvantage. “It’s not about geography,” he explains. “You can be sitting on the same bed as your child and still be worlds apart emotionally. What matters is intention, your commitment to seeing, hearing and valuing them. If that’s present, connection can thrive across any distance.”

This idea of connection – being seen, heard and valued – becomes even more important when parents are physically absent and requires focused attention during every touchpoint. Coulson says the most important thing is to give them your undivided attention. “Real connection means giving them your full presence, even if the call is short.”

Beyond digital contact, Coulson encourages parents to think creatively. Letters, photos, shared albums and care packages are all tangible reminders that say, “You matter. I’m with you even when I’m away.”

“Connection is not measured in kilometres,” he adds, “but in the quality of attention we give our children, wherever we are.”

“It’s more mentoring than managing”: Dominica Darrington, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

“Our kids – Jasmin, 18, Sabien, 16, Indigo, 14, and Kasper, 11 – were born in Shanghai, where my husband and I lived for 10 years. What took us overseas originally was my husband’s work. And what has kept us overseas is simple: we love the expat life – the exposure, the cultures, the growth. It’s become part of who we are.

When the Saudi opportunity arose after six blissful years on the Gold Coast, we debated it as a family and decided we were all ready for a new adventure. My husband went first, and we joined him in April 2023. Life there surprised us. It’s incredibly safe, sunny, welcoming, and weirdly Truman Show-esque in the expat compounds.

We had imagined our older kids would stay enrolled in the British international school in Riyadh but a couple of years in, they said they wanted something more. They weren’t rejecting Riyadh – they still love it – but they saw limitations in a school environment that sometimes felt more about hierarchy and entitlement than meaningful growth.

We briefly considered Australia, but the logistics, distance and cost were enormous. The kids also have British heritage they wanted to connect with, so we began researching UK options. We focused on schools with strong pastoral care, leadership opportunities and a blend of local and international students.

When we found their current school, they settled in quickly, faster than I expected. Boarding has given them stability, independence and a sense of agency. They also love the green English countryside, the freedom and friendships. They’re becoming resilient, grounded humans who aren’t trapped in an expat bubble.

Keeping in touch is surprisingly easy – WhatsApp daily, Snap constantly, and video calls once or twice a week. We see them every holiday, most half-terms, and sometimes on exeats [student leave passes].

Parenting from a distance is different. It becomes more mentoring than managing. Face-to-face parenting is about logistics; long-distance parenting is about emotional presence. And boarding overseas also has pros and cons. We’re not together full-time, and yes, it’s expensive. But the benefits outweigh the sacrifices.

“My kids are my inspiration”: Chief Petty Officer Eliza Buzza, Perth, WA

“I’ve been in the Royal Australian Navy my entire adult life, and in many ways my career and motherhood have grown up alongside each other. Since my first child was born in 2014, I’ve been posted to four or five different ships, and each posting has meant periods away – sometimes a few weeks, sometimes much longer. The longest I’ve gone without seeing them is six months, and that reality shapes our family rhythm more than anything else.

I have three kids: Harper is 11, Ned is nine and Matilda is five. Managing those long absences would be impossible without my husband, Cameron. He takes on most of the parenting while I’m away and is the main caregiver. My parents also moved from my home town of Hobart to Cairns and then to Perth to support us.

Right now, I’m the operations manager of a 24/7 station, which means my travel is limited. Last year was special, though, as I travelled to France for Anzac Day as the navy’s Sailor of the Year. And in 2027, I’ll join a ship again. That’ll mean exercises, operations, deployments, a full two-year posting. So, the cycle of separation will begin again.

People often ask why I keep doing my job when it means so much time away. The answer is that my kids are my main inspiration. They’re proud of what I do and they go to a school filled with other Defence families, where someone else in the class might have a parent deployed. They also have a Defence mentor at school who provides a space to talk and connect.

Staying in touch is a daily effort. The kids will FaceTime me and if I’m at sea and there’s no video access, we talk by email and they’ll send drawings. Parenting from a distance becomes about clarity, emotional consistency, constant communication, simple reminders and anything that makes home life easier for Cam.

There are challenges. Explaining to little ones why Mum is going and when she’ll be back can be painful. But there are advantages too. They’re resilient, they’re proud, they understand big conversations. I hope, especially for my daughters, that watching me serve shows them they can step into any space, even male-dominated ones.

“I couldn’t do it without help”: Helen Borobokas, Madrid, Spain

“When I accepted a role at the 1996 Athens Olympic Games, I thought I was building my career and reconnecting with my Greek heritage. I felt it would give me the ability to build on my professional experience and discover the family I’d never really known. I never imagined that decision would lead to almost 24 years abroad, and to raising two boys in a country far from where I grew up.

James is now 18 and studying medicine; Zach is 15 and in year 11. We’re all based in Madrid, where I work as a producer with Olympic Broadcasting Services. But my job takes me away, sometimes for a week, sometimes for three months during the Games, which means long-distance parenting has become a regular part of our family life.

I couldn’t do it without the people who have held us together. My parents, and a series of full-time carers, have been the backbone of my arrangements since the boys were born. When they were little, Mum and Dad would fly from Australia every time I had a long stint away.

I always tried to keep things as consistent as possible, and the boys quickly learnt to associate Olympic Games time with having their grandparents by their side. Later, our nanny became part of the fabric of our home. I used to post them letters, too. It was exciting for them to receive something from the postman, and a tangible reminder that Mum was never far away.

Now, the Winter Olympic Games in Milano Cortina mean I am away from my boys again. But as teenagers they rely on their own independence along with a circle of close friends who stay with them when I’m travelling.

Technology has been our saving grace. I speak with James and Zach every day, no matter where I am. I’ve helped with homework from Sochi, read bedtime stories from Beijing, and propped my phone against water bottles to ‘share’ dinner.

There are hard parts. Missing moments I know I’ll never get back – school performances, sport – is the most difficult. But there are gifts for the boys too: resilience, independence, multilingualism, and a bond with their grandparents I could never have manufactured.”

The 2026 Olympic Winter Games is screening on Channel 9 and 9Now. Nine is owner of this masthead.

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