‘Whatever you need to do to get through’: Are kids on screens in cafes OK?

A good coffee at your favourite cafe or a peaceful, delicious dinner that you didn’t have to make yourself might not be necessities in life, but they sure can be a balm for the soul. And if you’re a parent of young kids, you need all the soul-balm you can get.

But eating out when you have small children can involve a level of fortitude that can feel like more effort than it’s worth. In such situations, it’s hard not to be tempted to resort to the one tool we are told over and over again not to use: screen time.

We all know what the recommendations on screen time are for kids: minimal is best, none is better, and they should definitely be avoided around meals. That’s because mealtimes are “an opportunity for communication”, explains Dr Kimberly O’Brien, an educational and developmental psychologist. Plus, “if you’re distracting young people from meals, then they’re not really understanding things like nutrition, different textures, and balanced meals”.

For most, dining out is not an everyday occurrence — so surely, a little screen time is OK, right? O’Brien says it’s not a great solution for anyone, including parents.

Susannah McCaughan and her friend, Ruby Davies-Nelson, with daughter Bonnie at Cafe Jack’s in Kensington, Sydney. They keep their children entertained while dining out with a range of activities, including screens. Credit: Dylan Coker

“It’s a missed opportunity for socialising and for understanding social norms in a restaurant,” she warns. “Even if it’s just eye contact and smiles, that’s something that’s socially appropriate and should be encouraged in young people, rather than using screens in restaurants.”

The thing is, getting kids to be civilised in public is much easier said than done — to the point that some parents avoid going out to eat with their kids.

“Even if your kids are sitting quietly and doing an activity, you’re still not really able to relax or mingle, you’re always in parent mode, tending to their needs,” says Ruby Davies-Nelson, a mum to three kids aged six, three, and 18 months. She says when she wants to go to a cafe or restaurant, rather than dining in, she tends to get takeaway and sit outside.

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“It’s much more enjoyable for me, and I don’t have to worry if the kids are noisy or up and down from their seats.”

Her friend, Susannah McGaughan, a mum of two kids aged three and 18 months (with another on the way), says she and her husband are not ready to wave the white flag yet when it comes to eating out with their kids.

“But our experience has definitely changed from before we had kids,” she says. “We try to keep it on the shorter side, bring activities to do at the table, and try not to choose a table that’s right in the middle of everything. Tables near a window also double as entertainment, depending on how many dogs or trucks go past.”

Susannah and Ruby have used their experience to start a website sharing activities and places in Sydney where parents can take their kids.

“During that first year [of parenthood], it felt like the world I knew was designed for adults. I had no idea how I was supposed to go out and do ‘normal’ activities with a baby or toddler, without totally disrupting it,” says Susannah. “One of the things that helped me transition from pure survival mode to actually enjoying parenting after having my first baby was realising that there were so many things we could go and do together.”

Susannah and Ruby say they gravitate towards eateries with playgrounds or activity stations, or outdoor areas where kids can run around. O’Brien agrees this is a useful strategy.

“When they’re out at restaurants and cafes, I think it’s reasonable for kids to be able to move around if they’ve been sitting,” she says. “Parents would do well to take them outside for a stretch or a bit of a play in an outdoor space every 15 minutes.”

A bag of tricks is also a must when it comes to leaving the house with kids. Activities they can do at the table, and snacks in case they get hangry waiting for their food, are helpful. But even then, kids can get bored or overwhelmed.

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Both Susannah and Ruby say that while they avoid using screens when out with their kids, it’s a case of “never say never”. “If a meltdown is brewing, you can bet I’ll whip out a screen,” says Ruby. “I can definitely feel worried about judgment from others … I think most of the restaurant-goers would be more upset with the screaming than the screen-time use.”

Susannah adds: “I’ve heard this said by quite a few people: Before they had kids, they were sure that they would never be those parents eating at the restaurant while the kids are on their phones. After they actually had kids, it becomes: ‘whatever you need to do to get through’.”

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