Royal welcome awaits Trump, but even Mary Poppins is mocking his visit

2 hours ago 1

Opinion

September 16, 2025 — 9.01am

I’m finding Donald Trump very educational … Every time he comes on TV, I feel the sudden urge to go into the garden to read a book. But there’s no avoiding him this week as London braces itself for Trump’s second official state visit.

Traditionally, US presidents serving a second term – such as Trump – are not offered a state visit to the UK. Instead, they are invited for a cuppa and a cucumber sandwich with the monarch, as happened with former presidents Barack Obama and George W. Bush.

A souvenir plate of Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein in a London store ahead of the US president’s visit to the UK.

However, in February, to sweeten trade deal talks, British Prime Minister Keir Starmer handed Trump the prestigious invitation from King Charles during a White House meeting.

Starmer, whose poll ratings are limbo low, hopes to reset his prime ministership with a big announcement on a UK/US nuclear deal, and Trump hopes to distract Americans from the Epstein files. For both men, this whole state visit is a weapon of mass distraction.

Still, I have no doubt Trump views this state visit as a meeting between monarchs. It increasingly looks as if the American War of Independence was all for nothing because America now has its own king. The egotistical autocrat currently filling the White House with gold bling, imprisoning and deporting people without trial and sending troops to wage war on political opponents, looks under-dressed without a crown, ermine robes and a sceptre.

Watch those euphemisms. When the King says, “We must do this again sometime”. It actually means “never, ever darken my palace door again.”

But unlike the sycophantic flunkies who surround Trump stateside, his welcome here in Britain will not be so warm. Protesters are rolling out, not a red, but a barbed wire carpet. Overnight, posters have appeared at bus shelters, reading “Stupid, callous, fragile, racist, narcissistic POTUS”. For those not familiar with Mary Poppins, there’s more succinct slogans such as – “Trump, the rapist”.

The “Stop Trump” coalition has organised a “Trump Not Welcome” demonstration in London on Wednesday, accusing the US President of “denying climate science” and “siding with war criminals – in Israel, Russia and beyond”. A spokesperson says that there’s a clear and growing link between the international far right in the US and UK. “The demonstration is a chance to show the world that Britain rejects hate, division, and authoritarianism.”

My friends are already practising their chants. “Say it loud, say it clear, Donald Trump’s not welcome here,” and “Hey ho, hey ho, Donald Trump has got to go”.

The demo will coincide with the feting of the Trumps at Windsor Castle. After a meet and greet with Wills and Kate they’ll be formally welcomed by the King and Queen. A royal salute will be fired in Windsor and at the Tower of London followed by a flypast by UK and US F-35 military jets and the Red Arrows. And then it’s tiara-time when they’re all off to a traditional state banquet during which both the King and president will deliver speeches.

Donald Trump walks ahead of the late Queen Elizabeth during his 2018 presidential visit.

Posters have appeared at bus shelters, reading “Stupid, callous, fragile, racist, narcissistic POTUS”. For those not familiar with Mary Poppins, there’s more succinct slogans.

I imagine that Charles, a passionate environmentalist, and Camilla, a dedicated feminist, are dreading their close-encounter-of-the-Trump kind. Hilariously, the upper class doesn’t speak English; it speaks euphemism, so Trump will have no idea he’s being snubbed.

For example, if the King comments “That’s one way of looking at it”, the translation is, “That’s as likely as Hannibal Lecture opening a vegetarian restaurant.”

“With the greatest respect” actually means as “OMG! Did you drown in your own think tank?”

“How interesting!” decodes as “That’s quite a feat, being able to lie out of both corners of your mouth at the same time.”

“I’ll bear it in mind” is code for “I’m going to erase you from my memory as soon as possible.”

And finally “We must do this again sometime” which equates as “never, ever darken my palace door again.”

In the UK, treason, as defined by the Treason Act 1351, primarily involves acts of disloyalty against the Crown. So, we can only hope that Trump makes a pass at Camilla while displaying his crown jewels, allowing the King to lock him into the Tower and throw away the key.

It won’t only be Boston throwing a tea party.

Kathy Lette is a London-based Australian author and columnist.

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