Of all the annoying plane passenger behaviours, this is the worst

3 months ago 23

It’s the baggage carousel for me – my eternal bugbear. Maybe it’s because this experience comes at the end, when you’ve been sitting squished into a metal tube for hours and hours, when you’ve done your best to smile through all the indignities and the powerlessness and just gone with the flow.

But then you get to the baggage carousel, pretty much your last act as an air traveller on this journey, and why can’t people just stand back and wait for their bags? Why do they have to ram their trolleys right up against the carousel, blocking everyone else’s access?

Just stand back so everyone can see. It’s not hard.

Why can’t everyone hang back a few paces and step forward when they see their luggage appear, so that everyone can see, everyone has space, and no one has to do any pushing?

There are many reasons Japan is one of my favourite countries on the planet, but one is the behaviour around baggage carousels. Everyone stands patiently behind a line about a metre from the carousel, and steps forward to collect their luggage. It’s a dream.

We’re all familiar, I think, with the frustrations of airports. “Hell is other people” never feels more appropriate than when you’re standing in the security queue at terminal 3.

Part of it is that sense of powerlessness I mentioned earlier. It’s difficult to stay calm when there’s nothing you can do about all the small annoyances and issues.

See the blue line, folks? It’s there for a reason.

Your flight is delayed? Nothing you can do. The security queue is taking forever? Again, nothing you can do. The security people are forcing you to take your jumper off, even though you know if you’d just zipped it up, they wouldn’t be bothered by it? Again, you just have to roll with it.

But all of this makes the actions of your fellow travellers seem particularly grating, even if in real life, outside magic airport land, it wouldn’t faze you in the slightest.

But seriously: get ready to go through the security scanners. You’ve been waiting in line for 15 minutes. How is it now a surprise that you need to remove your watch and your belt? Does it seem like a good idea to bury your toiletries bag in a spot you’re never going to be able to access without a block and tackle?

Don’t queue for boarding until it’s actually time for boarding. This sort of thing snowballs: one person goes and stands by the gate despite there being 15 minutes before anyone will be let on the plane, so then other people see that and think they need to jump in to get themselves a decent spot, and then suddenly everyone realises they will also have to queue up now, otherwise their overhead baggage is going to end up mashed into a non-existent space about 10 rows behind them.

No one wants to see, or smell, your bare feet.

And then we all stand there pointlessly for 15 minutes while nothing happens.

Don’t take up more seats than you need in the departure lounge. You’re not entitled to a seat for your hand luggage. You’re not entitled to stretch your legs over three or four seats because you’re tired. There just aren’t enough of them.

While we’re at it, try to keep your shoes on. This isn’t your living room. No one wants to smell – or even see – your feet.

And headphones. Headphones, people. Buy them. Use them. People who sit in airports watching videos on YouTube, flicking through reels on Instagram or TikTok, having Skype calls with their families, catching up on a podcast – no one else wants to hear that.

We’re going to be stuck with you in a small tube for the next 14 hours or so. The least you can do is make yourself as small and inconspicuous as possible before we all get on the plane.

There are other annoying behaviours, of course. The people who go too hard at the airport bar. I’m all for a 6am, the-rules-don’t-apply beer at the airport, but when you’ve had 20 schooners with your footy mates, things start to get out of hand.

The people who just stand there on travelators, blocking the pathway. Travelators are designed to get you to your gate or back again faster than normal, not to help you avoid doing the slightest bit of exercise. Unless you have difficulty walking, or you have small kids, move it along.

The chancers out there who think they’re going to get an upgrade. You see them at check-in trying to put on the charm, or being obnoxious, or getting angry, or faking an injury. You’re not entitled to an upgrade; get out of the way.

You’re not going to smooth-talk your way into the lounge either. You’ve got a pass, or you don’t have a pass. Stop holding up the queue.

And then you get to your destination, you negotiate the travelators all over again, you wait while people fumble around for a pen because they haven’t filled out their arrival card properly, you finally get to the baggage carousel, relieved it’s all over, relieved to be out of there.

Now, if only you could get to your bag.

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