Looking for a ‘provider husband’ to pay the bills? Try this first

3 hours ago 2

Opinion

October 21, 2025 — 2.43pm

I’ve started and stopped writing this article many times over the past few months. It’s a topic that can’t be done justice in a short opinion piece, but it’s important enough for me to try.

Recently, I’ve watched a shift in the conversation about gender roles. The boss-babe, ‘Lean In’, ‘A-Man-Is-Not-A-Plan’ narrative has shifted. Now, we’re hearing about trad-wives, and women who want a ‘soft life’, provided by a 6′5, blue-eyed, man-in-finance.

If you’re a young woman, and you hope to set yourself up for the best options later on in life – get serious about building financial capital as soon as possible.

Some women claim this is a return to ‘freedom’, suggesting that working a job is the real trap. Others suggest this is a dangerous line of thinking that takes women back decades.

Which is it? Personally, I think there’s validity to both sides.

It’s not black-and-white

I grew up with front-row seats to both sides of this conversation. For much of my childhood, my mum pursued a career, alongside juggling the responsibilities of family life. Then, my younger brother was born. My mum became a full-time stay at home mum.

The goal isn’t to be, do and have what a man has. Someone else’s life (man or woman) isn’t ‘the gold standard’ you need to replicate.

I got to see my mum in both capacities: the full-time career woman who loved her job, and the full-time stay-at-home mum, who baked fresh bread and made the house a home.

I saw the pros and cons of both. I watched the fulfillment she got from being present with my younger brother, in ways she couldn’t be with myself and my older brother. I also saw her struggle with the loss of identity, reputation and purpose that came with giving up her career.

Back then, I couldn’t understand it. Why couldn’t she ‘have it all’? It seemed unfair to me – especially as a young girl who was bursting at the seams with big dreams. Now, I do.

It’s complicated

Are there financial risks to pulling back in your career and relying on a partner, financially? Yes. Are we also seeing high levels of burnout in women trying to ‘have it all’? Also yes.

Could men be doing more at home? Studies say, yes. But will men taking on more domestic responsibilities (while maintaining full-time employment) be enough to fully compensate for someone managing those responsibilities full-time? Maybe. It would certainly help.

But let’s not forget that some of the loudest advocates for women to “lean in” didn’t just have supportive husbands – they also had resources (like housekeeping, childcare support etc) the average household may not.

Also, historically (and still, in many parts of the world) the full responsibility of running a household and raising children was not solely born by two adults, but distributed across multi-generational families, and extended families and friends.

Could the man stay-at-home, and the woman pursue her career full-time? Yes, and that’s more common today than it has been in the past. But can that accommodate for the mental, physical and emotional toll of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding? Plus, is that a solution the majority of women even want? If not, it isn’t a viable solution at scale.

What’s a woman to do?

This is not an academic paper. I cannot cover the complexity of everything from the pay-gap to day-care. Instead, I want to leave you with some practical advice.

If you’re a young woman, and you hope to set yourself up for the best options later on in life – get serious about building financial capital as young as possible. If you save and invest a small portion of everything you earn from your first job onwards, and optimise your super and taxes, by the time you’re thinking about starting a family, you’ll have more financial options.

I know because I’ve helped countless women in their 20s and 30s do this. By the time they want to have children, they have their own savings and investments to fall back on.

Is this a complete solution? No. But it means they have more options – to take extended time off work or afford day-care, to go back to work part-time instead of full-time etc.

This requires a level of forward-thinking that is ahead of many people in their early 20s. It means choosing to learn how to save, invest and manage your money now, instead of thinking you’ll ‘figure it out later’.

It means seeing your money as a vehicle for creating freedom tomorrow, not just enjoyment today. It might mean walking a different path to many of your peers – but in a few years, you’ll be grateful you did.

Ultimately, the goal isn’t to be, do and have what a man has. Someone else’s life (man or woman) isn’t ‘the gold standard’ you need to replicate. The goal is to create a life that’s meaningful, fulfilling and enriching for you, personally – and whatever that is, building some wealth of your own and having the skills to manage it will give you more options in how you do that.

Paridhi Jain is founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.

Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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