It looks like a Disney fairytale, but life in this castle was anything but

“No matter what legend you read, it seems the women always just ended up in a convent.” The men in our tour group at Germany’s Marksburg Castle nod politely as our guide Michaela talks about the history of the castle and the Rhine. The women in my group exchange looks.

In medieval times, a convent may well have been luxury compared with the reality of living in a castle: no more torture rooms, no more “murder holes” for dropping rocks on the heads of approaching strangers, no “masks of shame”, no dungeons, no more sharing your home with horses, cannons and 150 of your husband’s best friends.

I can almost see some of my group contemplating the benefits of choosing the same. For many wealthy women in the Middle Ages it may well have been the ultimate escape. Being seen to be virtuous was just the cherry on top.

Living in a castle may be the Disney dream, but castle life was less like Sleeping Beauty and more like an extreme reality show, one where getting sent “home” meant being tossed over the parapet to your death. It’s no wonder many castle owners built luxury residences somewhere else, using their castles solely as refuge from invaders.

Monty Python got some things right in their cult 1975 film, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but life as a knight in the Middle Ages was nothing to laugh about, with lifespans usually short and often with a violent end. If The Holy Grail is your main reference for medieval culture, Marksburg Castle is a good place to deepen your knowledge. One of two original medieval castles left on the Rhine, (thanks to two major conflicts in the 17th century), it’s an eye-opening look into life as it was lived 800 years ago.

Built in the 12th century above Braubach to protect the town and enforce lucrative tolls/customs collection on this important river trade route, it was used variously as a residence, a place to store artillery, and as a home for disabled soldiers. High on the cliff, its battlements and towers have 360 degree views of the surrounding landscape and the Rhine. From this height, safe in your almost two-metre thick walls, invaders didn’t stand a chance.

From a distance, the castle looks like it belongs in a fairy tale. Inside it’s a different story. Like a small village, it’s crowded with different spaces – cellars, kitchens, armouries, a blacksmith, a pretty kitchen garden, and a chapel with an exquisite painted ceiling.

In the main bedroom we’re surprised by the tiny bed for two. “People slept upright,” says Michaela, “because lying down was associated with death”. Being semi-upright also helped the inhabitants breathe, the smoke from the room’s fire lingering in the room. In the dining hall, the “best room”, is a fireplace big enough to roast an ox, and some of the little luxuries designed to show off the inhabitants’ wealth. In this case, a drop toilet to the castle wall with the door wide open to the room because, presumably, it was nice to share.

A display of knights’ armour might have inspired the look of Monty Python’s stubborn Black Knight. Pointy shoes, bird-like masks, jousting helmets and complete suits weighing 40 kilograms seem designed for effect more than impact, but they were useful protection against lethal swords, as long as your opponents didn’t know the bits of the body left exposed (commonly armpits, inner elbows and ankles). Michaela tells us the modern military salute originated in the knight’s gesture of raising his mask in respect.

Marksburg’s bloody history is thankfully long in the past. The unification of Germany in 1871 eventually led to the development of a single customs union, making individual tolls obsolete. In 1900, it was sold to the Germany Castles Association for a symbolic fee of 1000 Goldmarks, and it’s now the organisation’s official headquarters. An icon of German medieval history, it was given the ultimate accolade in 1993: a full-size reproduction at a theme park in Japan.

The details

Cruise
Scenic’s Romantic Rhine and Moselle 15-day river cruise sails between Basel, Switzerland, and Amsterdam, the Netherlands, and includes visits to wineries, castles and the battlefields of World Wars 1 and 2 at Ypres and Passchendaele. From $7995 a person. See scenic.com.au

Visit
Marksburg Castle sits above the town of Braubach in the Rhineland Palatinate region of Germany and is easily reached by car or a 13-minute train from Koblenz. General visits are by guided tour only (50 minutes). English-language tours run daily at 1pm and 4pm in summer (March-October) and by arrangement in winter. The castle cafe and souvenir shop offer expansive views over the Rhine. Adults €11 ($19.50) and families €24 ($42). A visit to Marksburg is one of the included excursions on Scenic’s Romantic Rhine and Moselle river cruise. See marksburg.de

Fly
Qatar flies direct to Zurich (with train connections to Basel) and Amsterdam to and from Australian capitals. See qatarairways.com

The writer travelled as a guest of Scenic.

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