3 months ago
20
My kitchen window looks into an apartment where a young man lives. I’ve developed an unhealthy interest in watching him. I can’t see into his bedroom or bathroom, so there’s no nudity or sex. How do I stop my obsession? I’m a woman who’s many years his senior.
S.G., Heidelberg, VIC
Credit: Illustration by Simon Letch
Hardware stores in the Heidelberg area are going to be doing very good business today: they’re going to sell out of window shutters, window covers, window paint, tarpaulins, plywood sheeting and wooden planks. Curtain and blinds companies should do well today, too. Along with electronics retailers selling security-camera equipment. As well as The Oversized Bathrobe Emporium, The Full-Length Kaftan Warehouse and Muumuus R Us. And this is all because of your inability to stop peeking at your neighbour, your inability to keep your peeking to yourself and my inability to ignore your question because creepy-peeky content always goes down well with Good Weekend’s AB demographic.
And yes, we all know what it’s like when you’ve run out of TV shows to watch – when you’ve seen everything on free-to-air, everything on streaming platforms and all 14 billion YouTube videos. You can get a little bored and start seeking other forms of entertainment, but instead of turning to popular hobbies like book-reading, cushion embroidery or curating Ryuichi Sakamoto Spotify playlists, you’ve potentially chosen the niche pastime of criminal stalking under Section 21A of the Crimes Act 1958.
I suggest you visit a hardware store today and buy a can of blackout window paint (get in early, stock will be selling fast), then paint your kitchen window so you can’t see through it any more. Not that it’ll be necessary: every young male Heidelbergian will either be keeping their curtains closed from now on, moving to another suburb, or crawling past windows on their hands and knees.
To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.
