I lost thousands. But it taught me a crucial lesson about money

January 13, 2026 — 2.25pm

I had just spent thousands on a marketing agency that ended up being a total bust. I watched money go down the drain over several months. The loss of money hurt, but the loss of time hurt more.

Ugh. How did I end up here – again? This was the second time I’d put months and thousands of dollars into a service provider with nothing to show for it.

Focusing on your end goal can mean you miss the signs that are right in front of you.Credit: Letch

After the worst of the emotions had passed, I reluctantly took out my journal. I had every reason to feel wronged (because I had been), outraged (because how dare they?), and self-pitying (because I’m a good person!).

But I knew I wouldn’t learn anything that way. I knew my only shot at avoiding this happening again was to figure out what I could do better next time.

So, I asked myself the one question I’d been avoiding. “How did I co-create this?” What was my part in it, if anything? What were my blind-spots? Could I have done something differently?

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Eventually, I saw it. I’d missed the signs. Their lack of initiative and attention to detail had been evident from day one. But I’d been so determined to make it work. I had been chasing them.

This is the part of the wealth-building journey no one talks about: identifying, unlearning and rewiring the psychological patterns that are subconsciously driving your decision-making.

Today, I’m going to share some of the common patterns I see in my work with clients and students that might be holding you back from your financial goals, without you realising it.

Outsourcing your sense of safety to money

How this shows up: You have money, but you still don’t feel safe. You’re still clinging, controlling, second-guessing every purchase. You’re still depriving yourself of little luxuries because you tell yourself you don’t really “need” it – and never ask yourself if you “want” it.

Do you fantasise about what your life will look like when you arrive at some future financial milestone?

How this blocks your success: On paper, this can create a lot of “success”, but behind the scenes, it can look like anxiety, stress and a lack of enjoyment. It can also cap your growth because you tend to be risk-averse and focused on small wins instead of big opportunities.

How to start changing this: Start building your sense of safety internally. Nothing outside of you can make you feel safe. At some point, you have to start letting yourself feel safe.

Deriving your self-worth from your net worth

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How this shows up: You’re always hustling to achieve more – not from a place of enjoyment, but from a place of pressure. Your goals are based on how you will be perceived when you achieve them – not based on what will bring you the greatest fulfillment. You don’t just want to achieve those goals – you feel like you need to …because who even are you without them?

How this blocks your success: This can make you more vulnerable to “quick” or “shiny” strategies that promise success, and more likely to spend money on things you think “look” impressive rather than things you genuinely value. It can also make you more prone to burnout, because you might consistently neglect other aspects of your life to achieve your goals.

How to start changing this: When you start valuing yourself for who you are, and not just what you do or what you have, you’ll finally be able to stop chasing so hard and enjoy the journey.

Delaying your “real” life until a future financial milestone

How this shows up: You fantasise about what your life will look like when you arrive at some future financial milestone. When you get there, then you will start doing X things you’ve always wanted to do, then you’ll feel like your “real” life has started.

How this blocks your success: You might think this is manifesting or visualising, but sometimes you’re just disassociating from your current reality. This feels easier than starting to make the small changes to your life today, in alignment with the vision you want.

How to start changing this: There is some mini-version of the life you want, that you can start living right now, e.g. if you dream of travelling, start with day trips; if you dream of a big house to host in, start hosting in the home you have now.

After two failed hiring attempts that cost me thousands of dollars and months of time – I could have just hopped on over to the next marketing agency, hoping “this time” would be different. Or I could have given up altogether, swearing them all off as scams.

But neither of those things would have changed the one thing that actually drives my long-term results – the subconscious patterns behind my decision-making.

Paridhi Jain is founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.

• Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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