‘I have a permanent record of my body expanding and contracting’: Marc Fennell on life lived on screen

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Benjamin Law

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Marc Fennell. The multi award-winning journalist, presenter, author and documentary-maker, 41, is best-known for his podcast and TV series, Stuff the British Stole, and for hosting SBS’s Mastermind.

Marc Fennell: “My [work-related] First Commandment is: everything I do is a small doorway to a bigger world.” Richard Sawyer

RELIGION

You grew up in the church, right? I grew up in a series of big, evangelical churches, including – but not limited to – the church that eventually became Hillsong. I made a [documentary] film about it [The Kingdom]. It was a really uncomfortable experience: my parents had a not-great marriage, so I’d basically live in these youth groups and with these church families. All of these people felt this amazing connection with God and were having all these intense, speaking-in-tongues experiences, but I never felt it and I kind of felt bad …

What was the turning point for you? Hitting my late teens and thinking, “Two things are possible here. Either it’s not real, or God is real and he’s very specifically chosen to not talk to me.” What was really lucky is that, by that point, I’d started volunteering in community radio and had found another community of people there.

Why did you feel bad? Because, as a teenager, when my life was falling apart, the Christians were there for me. Even though I didn’t believe what they believed, they were good people and they never did any harm. My attitude is, you can believe whatever you want, provided you’re not hurting other people.

What do you believe in now? You know what? It could be my inner Asian work ethic, but …

You believe in hard work? I really do!

Any commandments when it comes to work? First Commandment: “Everything I do is a small doorway to a bigger world.” Second Commandment: “Airtime is a privilege, not a right.” The audience does not owe you shit. If you want their attention, fight for it.

DEATH

Have you lost anyone recently? A couple of months ago, in the middle of the night, cops rocked up to my house at 1am. Our dog went wild. The cops were like, “Do you know this person?” and they said the name of my uncle. The worst part was, his whole family was overseas at the time. They’d contacted me because they couldn’t get in contact with them; we share a name and I was easier to find. So I ended up having to call my two cousins and my aunt.

Oh, god … a death-knock in your own family. Yeah. As soon as they saw that I was trying to get in contact with them, they knew something was wrong. But no matter how bad I felt about it, it was never going to be as bad as they felt that day. Realistically, your job in that moment is to just be the kindest version of yourself that you can be.

How are you processing that death? One of the things about growing up with religion is there’s the guarantee of life after death, which I don’t really believe in. In the absence of that, you have to reckon with oblivion.

Do you think that’s what happens when we die: nothing? It might as well be as good as nothing, because what you don’t know is the unknown. It did make me think about what you leave behind …

As a dad, how do you reflect on that? I want my kids to always feel safe whether I’m there or not. I want their memory of me to be safety. Love, yes, but safety more.

BODIES

How has your relationship with your body changed over time? Once you’re a fat kid, you always, always, always think of yourself as a fat kid, whether you’re still fat or not.

How does this affect you as an adult? One of the weird things about growing up in the public eye [as a presenter] is that I have a permanent record of my body expanding and contracting. But there are things about my body that I  love. Whether I’m fat or thin, I’m always strong. Lifting weights helps my brain, but I like having big shoulders. I love being strong.

You’re synonymous with being jacked and shredded nowadays. I’m not that shredded! I’m strong and there are people stronger than me.

When was the last time something went wrong with your body? It’s always when I’m filming. I tore something in my arm in London last year. I was at a gym and I heard something snap. I was like, “That’s bad.”

You heard it snap? [Nods] But the worst one was in Egypt. We landed in Egypt after the worst flight ever and were doing a recce for locations. I got out of the car, my leg went into a crevice and I heard an audible ... [pauses] … you know the sound of a drumstick snapping?

Marc, no! So my leg was strapped, but it was purple. And a good 50 per cent of Stuff the British Stole is footage of me walking around, looking majestically into the distance. That was maybe our  second or third location. In 11 countries, I’m basically doing my best not to look like I’m in blinding agony.

I hate that story. But tell me: when do you feel most comfortable in your own skin? When I’m asking questions.

When do you feel least comfortable in your own skin? In a large group of people.

What’s your secret party trick? When groups do the Good Weekend quiz together, I wish people would hand it to me so I can read the questions. Because I’m really good at that.

Wait, you mean reading the questions or answering the questions? Oh, no: I can’t answer shit. This is just from hosting 500 episodes of Mastermind.

Stuff The British Stole – the TV show – is airing now on ABC TV and iview. A book of the same name will be published on Tuesday. An Evening with Marc Fennell tours nationally from June 28.

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