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Each week, Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions on workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: a new boss who is bad company, feeling like a nag and a colleague’s teenager in the office.
My husband is being head-hunted by a large company, and he and I were invited to dinner by the owner. I am all for cheap and cheerful, but this was a cheap and tawdry restaurant in a second-rate hotel. My husband’s prospective new employer quickly decided I had no worth and spoke only to my husband throughout dinner. When my husband left the table to go to the toilet, the owner scrolled on his phone until my husband returned. My husband is clearly flattered by the offer and pay bump, but I’m reluctant to see him leave a job where both he and I are treated with warmth and respect. Should I raise my concerns with him or am I over-reacting?
Love it when a workplace advice column morphs into a marriage advice column!
First up, this all sounds like something out of the 1950s or a scene from Mad Men. Who even organises a dinner with spouses to try and entice someone into a new job any more? So weird. But putting that aside, first and foremost, what did your husband think of the dinner? I am afraid in this scenario, unless you plan to get a job with the same company as your husband, I would have thought all that matters is how he feels about this decision.
The guy sounds like a sexist jerk, for sure. But the good news is you don’t need to work with him, only your husband does. If your husband is excited by the work, pleased to be getting paid more and open to the job change, that is his decision.
I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t share your views on the dinner with your husband, but as you do, I also would reinforce that your views are fairly irrelevant in this decision and that you support him in whatever he thinks will be best for him and his career.
I’ve worked in two roles for the same organisation where I have needed to rely on small pieces of information from a central team. Over time, my communication with this central team has become patchy, my emails left unanswered, and my requests can take weeks to resolve. I feel like I am constantly pestering people just to do my job, and it’s burning me out. Why does this happen?
I am feeling for you in this situation since it is almost as though the way your job is structured has been set up to fail. I don’t think this is about you personally, but instead a sign that the way you are asked to continually seek small pieces of information from others is doomed from the start.
No one likes endless requests, and I suspect the central team started to de-prioritise something they felt might never end. This is not your fault, but just the way your work has evolved.
I suspect the only way to navigate this is to meet with the central team and ask them what will work best for them. I would ask them to suggest a way forward, and if you can, involve your manager in finding a solution too.
You shouldn’t have to nag people endlessly to do your job. Good project systems make the work visible, so responsibility is shared rather than resting on the person doing the chasing.
My colleague regularly brings their teenager into the office during evening shifts when few staff are around. The teen is generally quiet and rarely interrupts our work, but I still feel it’s inappropriate for them to be there. I’ve hinted that perhaps the teen shouldn’t come in so often, which has created some tension. What should I do?
From what you describe, the disruption seems minimal, so my question is, why is this bothering you? I know it is unusual but perhaps your colleague has permission for the teen to be there. Maybe they have a childcare issue or a more significant family matter you are unaware of; perhaps the teen is not safe at home alone.
Because you’ve already raised it once, pushing the issue further risks damaging the working relationship without necessarily changing the outcome.
If the teen’s presence begins to create genuine problems like distractions, confidentiality concerns or safety issues, then raise it with a manager as a workplace policy question rather than a personal complaint. Otherwise, this may be one of those moments where a little flexibility keeps the peace.
To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask. You will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited.
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