‘I don’t want to do the maths’: How single women are funding their fertility

Amanda Smith

January 28, 2026 — 5:01am

At 28 years old, Alisha Burns got married, and started trying for a baby the following year. After three long years of fertility treatments, she finally got pregnant. At 21 weeks, her son was stillborn. Two weeks later, her husband left her.

Then, at 35, Burns landed a cushy job at a big bank where she thought she’d meet her prince charming. She did not. Three years later, her dad suddenly passed away, and she had an epiphany: if she didn’t take matters into her own hands, she’d never be a mum.

It took two IVF cycles to conceive her daughter at 39, using donor sperm. She spent about $16,000. She’s far from alone on this path to parenthood.

When Sarah Brinkies was 38, she realised it was now or never. She was ready to start a family but was single. On her second look at her clinic’s donor catalogue, she found the one she liked and proceeded with an IVF cycle. It worked the first time and she had her son. The out-of-pocket cost was about $13,000. Brinkies was a solo IVF mum but found love and her husband is now a stepdad.

Other women need multiple cycles to have success.

Penny Higgs did four egg retrievals and 16 embryo transfers to conceive her three children via IVF. Her firstborn was with her ex, then she used a known donor for her second two. Each retrieval was around $11,000 and each transfer $4000. This doesn’t include any of the medications, tests, and diagnostic procedures.

It’s actually sickening how much I’ve spent because I don’t actually have the money, and most of it has come off my home loan.

And these women are the success stories. They took home babies. There are no guarantees or refunds with fertility treatments.

Yet, every year, we see more women embark on solo motherhood. Single mothers by choice (SMBC) use donor sperm in the highest numbers (53 per cent), compared to LGBTQ+ people (36 per cent), according to the VARTA 2023 Annual Report. In Victoria alone in 2023-24, there were 1,775 recipients of donor sperm and 828 pregnancies.

Australian SMBC access donors directly through their fertility clinic program (local recruiting and international cryobank partnerships) or a known donor, with strict regulations in place.

Dr Joseph Sgroi, a fertility specialist from Melbourne IVF, said there’s been a greater acceptance of different forms of family units, partly due to legislative and societal changes.

“When I started in fertility back in 2014, single women pursuing parenthood was rare. Even donor sperm was just coming to the fore in the early 2000s,” Sgroi said. “Every time I get a woman who comes in to see me for egg freezing, I will ask her, do you want to be a mum or do you want to preserve your fertility?”

While egg freezing provides more flexibility – as those eggs can be thawed and fertilised in the future with a partner – making embryos is the better approach for women in their mid-to-late 30s who know they want to become a mum. They achieve this through donor sperm.

Some women have exited long-term relationships and are still chasing the dream of a relationship, while others don’t necessarily desire a partner.

“I’ll often say to them, if your desire to be a mum is great, then any future partner will fall in love with you for who you are. If that includes a child, they’ll love you for it. If they don’t, they’re not the right partner for you anyway,” Sgroi says.

Sgroi touched on the extraordinary difficulty and inequality in Australia for same-sex males to build their families. Egg donation and surrogacy must be altruistic, meaning the pregnant woman cannot receive payment – hence couples travel abroad to achieve a pregnancy.

“There’s scope in Australia for a really solid debate about what is fair and reasonable in terms of compensation for surrogacy and egg donation,” he said.

No straight path to parenthood for singles

For the women pursuing parenthood solo, one through line in all their stories is the desperate desire to be a mother. While there’s no partner, child support or that traditional family structure we were raised to think was the ‘right’ way, they’re not alone.

There’s the growing community of fellow SMBC, the extended family of half-siblings, and a society making space for alternative family types. Another positive part of single motherhood is the fertility financial planning because there are no ‘surprises.’

For Burns – who now runs single mother education company Solo Mum Society – it took two cycles, and she took time off after her first to save for her second. She didn’t want to put herself financially behind or get into debt just to get pregnant, so she put together a strict budget for fertility treatments, pregnancy, birth, and maternity leave.

“You need to understand your fertility window, so you can decide if you have the luxury of time (to save) or if you need to act now. You will always find a way to make more money if you need to, but you can’t find a way to make more eggs,” Burns said.

While her higher salary, savings, inheritance and qualifying for the Family Tax Benefit (for being a single income) all helped, Burns said putting in the work to get informed about her finances was most important. “I didn’t pull from my superannuation, increase my mortgage or get a loan. If you’re planning to do that, make sure you speak to a financial advisor.”

“Couples freak out about money, too”, is her reminder for single mothers by choice.

For Brinkies, she had a cap on the number of cycles she could afford (which was $20,000). She also used savings and was already a property owner. She ended up selling that apartment and moved in with her parents – the plan was six months, but then COVID happened, so she stayed for longer, while building her savings.

Once her son was one, Brinkies bought a small house close to her family.

“People have this concern over money, but people have been having babies on a lot less, whether solo or partnered,” said Brinkies. “If it’s something you desperately want, you’ll make it work. You don’t need to have a lot of money and all the little one wants is love. When you’re doing it by yourself, you’re so ready to give that.”

For Higgs, and many other women like myself, who switched from clinic-to-clinic, even going abroad for cheaper cycles, it was her finances that nearly forced her to stop trying. Higgs ended up doing double transfers (two embryos at once) because it was more cost-effective.

“It’s actually sickening how much I’ve spent because I don’t actually have the money, and most of it has come off my home loan. I don’t want to do the math,” she explained.

Mothers have always been resourceful, especially single parents. For single mothers by choice, this just starts earlier, in the months and years before the birth.

Intentionally pursuing solo parenting doesn’t close single mums off to love. If anything, it’s akin to egg freezing – it takes the pressure off dating and putting a timeline on love. Because, unlike the biological clock, love is one of those rare things in life that’s truly outside our control.