I constantly hear about bad bosses, but mine is great. Am I just lucky?

November 7, 2025 — 5.01am

Not long ago our pet died. They had been a loved member of our family for a long while and I was inconsolable.

I told my boss by sending them a text message on the weekend (we had put our pet down on a Friday evening) and the reply was almost instant. They told me how sincerely sorry they were and that if I needed to talk, I only had to call. They said they understood how sorrowful the death of an animal can be and told me they didn’t expect me to be at work on Monday. They said if I needed to be away longer, or just had to work entirely from home for a while, I should do it without any qualms.

I compare this with a similar experience my friend had seeking just an hour away from work to say goodbye to a pet – and the horrible response she received from her boss. I know not everyone is lucky to have a boss as kind as mine, but shouldn’t everyone have a boss with at least some empathy?

It’s unrealistic to think every single manager can and will, if given the chance, become as commendably humane and sensitive as yours.Credit: John Shakespeare

I’m so glad you wrote to me. I don’t mean that in a general, “thank you for your correspondence” kind of way. I mean that by putting your wonderful work experience down in words, I think you’ve already taken a step towards the better work world you allude to at the end of your question.

A huge amount of time, effort and research has gone into the importance of “calling out” bad behaviour in work (and many other) environments. Work Therapy gets asked about it all the time.

But perhaps not enough has gone into the importance of bringing to light and publicly applauding the conduct of people who make work better.

By taking the time to give credit where it’s due, we can show that bosses like yours are real and are very much appreciated.

Your boss is clearly someone who fits into this category. In truth, I wish I could name them and sing their praises from this very privileged platform. Of course, the need for anonymity makes that impossible. But you, and others like you, may not have such an obstacle standing in your way.

People like your boss don’t make kindness a performance. They may understand that their compassion improves the work environment, and so ultimately benefits them, but they’re not self-interested.

That makes them less likely to be self-aggrandising. And so it’s less likely for their exemplary behaviour to be widely known. When people like you transform their gratitude into public acknowledgement, that can change.

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How? One example is by naming people like your boss any time you get an opportunity to provide feedback at work. That might be in a regular employee survey, it might be in a formal meeting, it might be during a casual chat with other colleagues or managers at your work.

It might even be in an exit interview – although I strongly suspect your boss’s kindness and empathy make it much less likely you’ll consider leaving this job any time soon.

Whatever the format or forum, my advice would be to be specific. Don’t leave it at “I value my boss’s concern and consideration” – give examples. Tell the story of exactly what they do and how that influences those around them.

Another way is by using LinkedIn, a platform I’ve admittedly mocked repeatedly in Work Therapy, for one of the few things it’s good at: spreading good news among professional networks. Tag the person you appreciate in your post and, again, be specific.

As you quite correctly pointed out, it’s unrealistic to think every single manager can and will, if given the chance, become as commendably humane and sensitive as yours.

As I’ve said many times in this column, being an excellent manager is exceptionally difficult. It takes a combination of skills and traits very few people possess. Conversely, not every manager needs to be a heartless bastard, like your friend’s.

Yes we can, and often should, expose and castigate people and systems whose cruelty or callousness makes work deflating, dehumanising or degrading. Maybe our cognitive biases or a broader culture of “negativity sells” makes this feel more natural, and easier.

But we should also spend time demonstrating that there is a genuine (even antithetical) alternative. By taking the time to give credit where it’s so thoroughly due, we can show that bosses like yours are not unattainable, ideal archetypes; they are real, very much appreciated and have the ability to change an entire workplace for the better.

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