How to win Hard Quiz – and other secrets from Tom Gleeson

2 months ago 15

The first time I met Tom Gleeson, I thought I was going to pass out. I was a contestant on his wildly successful quiz show, Hard Quiz (expert subject: 1996 Broadway musical Rent), and I was not what you’d call a TV natural. My hands and feet went numb and my vision tunnelled as the hot lights held me in their glare and Gleeson began his trademark cutting banter.

Today we are both far more relaxed, meeting for lunch at light-filled Carlton Italian restaurant Scopri. He’s swapped his signature blue suit (the tie changes each season) for a navy T-shirt, and I’m reasonably confident I’ll remain conscious throughout.

Tom Gleeson knows what his Hard Quiz subject would be.

Gleeson doesn’t meet his contestants before the cameras roll, so that anything good can be used in the show. “I used to go and say hi to the contestants in season one,” Gleeson says. “Because it was a complete unknown, I’d go and say to them, ‘Hi, how are you? I’m going to give you shit. You can give it to me back’, and I’d sort of explain it all. But what I found was, when I did that, the contestants just didn’t really talk. I realised they were kind of holding it in. And then I realised that they were deliberately keeping each other’s subject secret, right? Which, again, wasn’t part of the show. We never told people to do that, but that became a thing. And what we realised was, oh, these people just really want to win.”

“Giving people shit and getting it back” is a good description of Hard Quiz, consistently one of the ABC’s best-rating shows and at times the most-watched quiz show in Australia. Contestants are asked about their “expert subject” and some general knowledge questions, while copping a roasting from Gleeson and each other.

They also try to give as good as they get with the host – but as contestants are normal people and Gleeson is a professional comedian who has never done anything else, it’s not exactly a fair fight.

“The evil truth is, I could bury everyone every day of the week, but I don’t because sometimes when they get a clap, I’m like, just step back. They hit a boundary, let them enjoy that,” says Gleeson. “Imagine if I ground every contestant right down into the ground, every single one, and never let them have a win. That wouldn’t be fun.”

A resident of the rural town of Romsey (population: 4934, as of the 2021 census) northwest of Melbourne, Gleeson is in the city today because he had a show last night. He’s chosen Scopri because it’s owned by his Romsey neighbours Alison Foley and Anthony Scutella, who comes over to say hello before we order.

“They’re friends of mine,” Gleeson says, introducing Scutella. “So this is an inside job. I’m getting you to pay my friend for me to eat.”

“It’s all on Channel Nine, which is probably a dirty word for you,” I tell the long-term ABC host, who now also has a show on Ten.

Zucchini risotto with spanner crab at Scopri

“No, no, it’s fine. I like Channel Nine,” he rejoins. “It’s like Channel Seven with a sense of humour.”

As it’s on Nine’s expense account, we decide on two courses, starters and mains. Gleeson orders oysters and the risotto of the day, which turns out to be a vibrantly green zucchini base with spanner crab. I opt for scallops to start and spaghetti alle vongole, but when our starters arrive we decide to swap an oyster for a scallop, so no one has food envy.

He has just filmed his second season of Hard Quiz Kids and rolled straight into filming season 11 of the normal show. “I described it to the executive producer as being like, I’ve been training in sand, like a horse running on sand, and finally, I get to gallop on a straight, and it was so much easier.”

He likes the kids’ version, but he says it can be difficult to get his pint-sized contestants to be quiet when they need to be and to understand the rules of the game. The results are more chaotic – and often fun. “I enjoy watching the kids show in some respects more after it’s finished, and I’m untethered from the frustration of recording them,” he says.

Not that his own kids – or their friends – are likely to ever be contestants. “None of them watch TV. Once, one kid was excited because he went into my office and he saw that there was a microphone there, which I use for radio interviews and stuff. He said [to my son], ‘I reckon your dad’s actually a YouTuber!’” What a crushing disappointment to learn Gleeson actually hosts a broadcast TV show.

The national broadcaster is currently searching for contestants for season 12, and Gleeson says he has absolutely no intention of winding down. The Gold Logie winner loves hosting the quiz he invented, as well as Ten’s Taskmaster and his own live shows.

“I’m 51, and the things I have in place are quite extraordinary,” he says. “I’m not coasting. I’m not taking any of it for granted. I know what it is. I’ve played small rooms, I’ve done shows that no one cared about, a half-filled venue because no one gave a shit about what I was doing. So to me, to be touring around Australia to sold-out big theatres, and people are like looking at me like, what have you got to say? It’s a privilege I just like to abuse constantly. That’s the fun part, everyone’s finally turning up.”

When he was putting together his current live show a few months ago, his management suggested the Sydney Opera House in early January. Although he likes to keep his summer holidays free, he decided to listen to the argument that he was about to sell a lot of tickets.

“At that point there was no show, but I knew that those shows were going to sell out, and I’d have to have something to say when I got there. And there’s something like unbelievably thrilling about that, that you’re sitting at home in June, and going, ‘I’ve got to do the Opera House in January. I don’t know what I’m going to be saying, but by the time I get there it’s going to be pretty cool, but I don’t know what it is yet.’ That never ceases to be fascinating. ”

As if to underscore that he can absolutely sell out a huge theatre with no show yet written, our server appears with a fresh glass of white wine for Gleeson, explaining that it has been sent by a fan who recognised him across the restaurant.

Hard Quiz on the ABC Is one of the most watched quiz shows in Australia.

“Is this a setup?” I ask him. No, he says – and this kind of thing happens all the time. Fans approach him in the street or send over drinks if they see him in a restaurant, and often they are former contestants on Hard Quiz.

“Whenever I see a contestant, I’m always happy to chat to them as long as they want to because it’s like returning the favour,” Gleeson says. “They come to [live comedy] shows, I see them in the front row.” He gives a thumbs up and the grin of an overawed fan. “Hi! I’m Jack Russells!”

If you want to be one of those smiling up from the front row of his live gig having already faced a grilling over your expert subject (and you can’t have Jack Russells, or any other topic that has already been covered), Gleeson has some advice:

Choose your topic carefully. “If you want to win, narrow is good. Sometimes, if you really, really, really love your subject, you might actually be blinded to the things that other people do or don’t know about it. So you can get too into your own thing.”
Steal. “You can get five from five and not make the final round. You can get one right in the expert round and still win. It’s a – I hate to say it – it’s a socialist structure. It evens people out. So you can’t go on there and just answer your subject. I reckon every single winner has at least stolen one. You’re probably going to have to steal one. You’re probably going to have to steal two.”
Tom’s Round is the great equaliser. “My round is multiple choice, so that’s completely scattering the pigeons.”
Be fast on the buzzer in the People’s Round. “It’s a speed test. People buzz in just before, and then get the answer.”
If you make it to the final round, show off a little. “The joy of getting to the final round is you kind of get to relax because, you’re like, I now have all the time in the world. There’s something quite nice about that. Also, one of my favourite parts of the show is at that stage, often that’s when you actually get to see a window into just how deep their knowledge is. They’ve got time to explain things.”

If Gleeson himself were a contestant on Hard Quiz, what would his expert subject be? “Trigonometry.” He was very good at maths in school, and he thinks it wouldn’t take much to get back to fighting fit. “I think I’d win, and I’d do no banter,” he says. “I know how to wreck the host.”

Sounds like intriguing TV, but the ABC might have a fight on its hands if it ever decided to do a special episode with Gleeson as a contestant. Why? Gleeson grins. “I’m not sure anyone’s capable of doing it but me.”

Tom Gleeson’s Out of Touch is on at the Sydney Opera House on January 6, Perth’s Regal Theatre January 30-31, Melbourne’s Regent Theatre April 9-19 and Brisbane’s QPAC Concert Hall June 26.

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