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“I’m excited to introduce Ted Richards to my idea for a scam (C8),” says Tim Parker of Balmain. “It’s a service called ‘Scammer Grammar’ to help scammers write more convincing messages, avoiding the solecisms that often give them away. Prospective scammers can simply send me $10k to learn how to make millions.” Do they even make Kmart gift cards in the millions?
“Ted, just send me your bank details and password, and I’ll rush you a signed copy of my book: Foolproof Scamming for Beginners,” offers Col Burns of Lugarno.
Woolgoolga local, John Wills is in a justified flap over the definition of bird cannibalism (C8): “It can only be cannibalism if you feed kookaburra to the kookaburras, magpie to the magpies, and butcher bird to the butcher birds. I suspect this practice would be frowned upon, though the birds in question probably wouldn’t turn up their noses, erm, beaks.” Serge Nemaz of Illawong agrees and adds “I regularly feed the Kookaburras cooked chicken, but this is because the buggers are difficult to catch, plus I don’t even have a recipe on how to cook a ’Burra.”
Ruth Saunders of Dulwich Hill had a very specific primary school job (C8) back in the UK: “I was the milk bottle top washer. Everyone got a small bottle of free milk at morning break. I washed the foil tops and scrunched them up to add to a huge silver ball which was eventually sent to Guide Dogs headquarters. I understood that they were recycled for charity. Great fun and I didn’t even drink milk.”
“I may be late for class on this, but no one yet has mentioned Sawdust Monitor, a position I filled with distinction in the ’50s at Willoughby Public School,” brags Warren Howlett of Blackheath. “When a fellow student vomited onto the concrete floor, my job was to go quickly to the special bin and get a large scoop of sawdust to spread and soak it up.” The question begs, Woz, how often did this occur?
Charles Pope of Morpeth was the Bell Ringer at Griffith High School in 1955, due to having one of the few functioning watches in Year 8: “It became a challenge when our loquacious headmaster ran overtime at assembly and I had to allocate the lessons in the remaining time. The compensation was that I could adjust the period of time to suit my preferences.”
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