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Differential treatment due to her race and struggles with her mental health are two of the main talking points to have emerged from the release of Mary Fowler’s book Bloom this week. In it, the 22-year-old Matildas star revealed an incident at French club Montpellier in which she and another black teammate were given bananas instead of flowers when departing the club.
Fowler wrote in depth for the first time about her experiences with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, which began when she lived in France at 17 and reached an apex point while at Manchester City before she turned 20. Aimed at younger audiences to guide them through early adulthood, the 224-page book is packed with fascinating insights into the life of one of Australia’s shining sports stars.
“Mary Fowler has shown a lot of courage in sharing her story, and by being open about her experiences, she will help contribute to broader conversations around athlete wellbeing, inclusion, and respect in sport,” Football Australia said in a statement on Thursday.
“Football Australia are committed to fostering a safe, inclusive, and supportive environment for all players, at every level of the game. We have dedicated staff to support both the physical and mental needs of our players.”
Fowler’s ‘word wasn’t good enough’ for Matildas staff
It was during her two-year tenure at Montpellier that Fowler’s mental health began to decline. In the weeks after leaving the club, Fowler recalls her frustration at Matildas staff when she asked to be exempt from a national training camp.
“After a challenging season, I was exhausted,” she wrote. “I didn’t want to be anywhere near football and I definitely didn’t want to be put in front of any cameras. I just wanted to be a teenager with a regular life. Simply put, I didn’t want to be Mary Fowler.”
Mary Fowler with Matildas teammates Sam Kerr, Caitlin Foord and Emily Van Egmond in 2022.Credit: Getty
Fowler said Matildas officials told her she would need a pyschologist to deem her medically unfit to attend the camp.
“I was frustrated that my word wasn’t good enough and that people were questioning my motives. I felt like speaking to a psychologist was a test they were hoping I’d fail,” she said. Instead, a psychologist ruled Fowler out of the camp within five minutes of a session Fowler said had been beneficial for her.
Pact with Nathan Cleary
While Fowler’s relationship with NRL star Nathan Cleary has been the subject of countless stories since the pair went public in 2024, in Bloom, Fowler reveals their first date took place on the morning of the 2023 FIFA Women’s World Cup opener. The two had met months earlier at an Adidas event in Sydney, but they kept in touch through “essay-length” text messages. She didn’t tell anyone she was going to see him that morning.
“The night before our first World Cup match, you would’ve thought I’d feel quite nervous. But there was something happening before the game that I was way more nervous about: I was meeting up with my crush for the first time since we’d first met ... Playing our opening game in Sydney presented us with the perfect opportunity, except I wasn’t sure if it was a smart decision, given I was about to start the biggest tournament of my career.”
Mary Fowler and Nathan Cleary share a photo on Instagram in June, 2024.Credit: Instagram
The pair went for coffee and a walk before Fowler returned to the hotel to prepare for the match. Later, when news of their relationship broke, they made an agreement on how they would deal with the extra attention. “Nathan and I made a pact not to read any more articles about us, so that our feelings wouldn’t be influenced by some stranger’s opinion,” Fowler wrote.
Plan to quit soccer before the World Cup
During her time at Montpellier, Fowler planned her retirement from soccer in detail, to the point where she drew up a budget for a new life working as an online personal trainer and living in a renovated van back in Australia.
“I thought about going back to school and moving back to Australia to be closer to family,” she wrote. “I wasn’t even 20 years old, so if I wanted to jump into a whole new career, time was on my side. There were options aplenty.”
Body-image and social media comments
For the first time, Fowler recounts her experience with self-harm, suicidal thoughts and disordered eating. Her issues with body image were exacerbated by pressures from social media and expectations of how an elite athlete should look. “I made myself believe I didn’t deserve to look beautiful,” she wrote.
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Fowler also said comments on photos of her and Cleary about a mole on her eyebrow were difficult to read.
“I really liked the photo of us, but reading the comments made me feel like a teenager again, this time linking my worth as a partner to my appearance,” she wrote. “I’m so grateful I never got my mole removed, because when I told Nathan what I was feeling, he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.”
If you or anyone you know needs support, call Lifeline on 131 114, Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636, Butterfly National Helpline, 1800 33 4673.
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