‘Be kind to each other’: Celebrities, politicians and avid listeners farewell Golden Tonsils

3 months ago 14

John Laws’ famous golden microphone sat perched on a small table in the sanctuary of St Andrew’s Cathedral, puny amid the grandeur, barely visible against the handles of his coffin and outshone by the choir beyond.

The original, given to him by 2UE management in 2003 to celebrate his 50th year on the airwaves, was stolen in 2007, and the back-up version that replaced it saw him through his next two decades on air.

John Laws’ coffin at St Andrew’s Cathedral, flanked by his golden microphones.

Symbolic of his iconic status on talkback radio, and a nod to his nickname “Golden Tonsils”, it was once his most potent weapon, yet he also used it to charm and beguile, to win confidence and exert influence, and he always signed off from it by exhorting his listeners to be kind.

Laws died on November 9, aged 90.

The state funeral held to honour the radio veteran on Wednesday reflected the exquisite cross-section of Australians to whom he appealed or held sway, from the politicians in the front pews to the avid listeners in the nave, dressed in pink shorts or Sunday best, purses on their laps or shopping bags between their legs.

“It’s a long way from Woolloomooloo to Walgett,” remarked the Reverend Michael Jensen in his sermon. “But John spoke Walgett fluently.”

Russell Crowe and his partner Britney Theriot arrive at St Andrew’s Cathedral for the funeral.

Former Olympic swimmer Dawn Fraser was there, along with television personality Richard Wilkins and radio announcer Ben Fordham.

Premier Chris Minns sat beside the NSW Governor Margaret Beazley. Former Prime Minister John Howard sat next to former NSW Premier Nick Greiner. Vaucluse MP Kellie Sloane flew the flag for the NSW Liberal party. Gurmesh Singh flew the flag for the Nationals. Federal senator Barnaby Joyce paused to chat with the media on his way into the service, proffering that Laws was “never boring”.

Later, when Russell Crowe ended his eulogy with the Rudyard Kipling poem If, a single line summed up the way that the diversity of the crowd spoke to the character of the deceased: “If you can walk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings nor lose the common touch...”

Laws’s virtue was in making room for his listeners to sit at his table, Crowe said.

“John used to sign off his show by saying, ‘be kind to each other’ … His critics would point out the irony that his show was most usually invective-laden opinion, and his interviews with political figures, often stern and unyielding.

“But to express his opinion was John’s gift and his therapy, and for regular listeners, it became theirs. It was often through expressing himself that he made new discoveries, that he saw truth revealed in a differing opinion, and his audience were there to experience him expand and admire his endless ability to do so, and they expanded with him.”

Laws was among a host of famous guests at the first birthday of Charlie, Crowe’s son, where the broadcaster kept hounding the actor if the boy had yet opened his gift.

Eventually, Laws convinced the older Crowe to open it instead – inside was a bottle of Wild Turkey.

“Now that was pretty much when the afternoon tea ended and the celebration truly began,” Crowe told the service.

What eulogy could live up to the superlatives already attributed to Laws? A towering figure, the king of talkback, the conduit to middle Australia, an Australian icon, a titan of radio.

Paul Warren, who inherited his friendship with Laws from his father, put it into context: At Laws’s peak, he had 2 million listeners and won 92 radio surveys in a row. His program was carried by more than 100 radio stations. He had two Orders of Australia and a Companion to the Order of Australia. He wrote songs and sang them, he made albums, wrote poetry, appeared in films and appeared on television from Beauty and the Beast to Skippy.

John Laws was known as “Golden Tonsils” for his distinctive voice.

John Laws coffin leaves St Andrew’s Cathedral.

“Truly, he set the benchmark for radio,” Warren said. “His trademark opening was, ‘Hello world, this is John Laws. What’s on your mind, Australia?’ And what a world he lived in for 90 years.”

What service could live up to the showmanship of Laws, a consummate entertainer who could sell anything from Valvoline to Toyotas (even if he did not always disclose that is what he was doing)?

The trumpet processional that opened the service was rousing in tune but muted in volume, as though shy of its own sentiment, and the canned applause and cheering that accompanied the track rang hollow.

Not so for John Williamson, who drew cheers from the crowd when he fulfilled his promise to Laws to play True Blue at his funeral.

“Don’t say you’re gone/Say you’ve knocked off for a smoko and you’ll be back later on.”

Just over a year ago, when Laws announced his second retirement from radio after 71 years on air, he promised it would be final.

“When I call it a day, it’ll be a day,” the Golden Tonsils declared.

“I’m not going to go away and then come back again and say, ‘Oh it was all a mistake’. It may well be a mistake but there’ll be no return. No return, that’s it.”

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